Find Me Now, Find Me Here
by hug-a-hufflepuff
Summary: AU! Prompt found on Tumblr. Every person, at exactly midnight on the New Year's Eve following their twenty-second birthday, possesses the body of their soulmate for one hour. Destiel! Some Sabriel on the side. Rating HAS INCREASED.
1. Chapter 1

"Are you ready, Dean?"

Sam looked up at him with wide, curious eyes. The two of them were sitting cross-legged on the floor in their pajamas. They were leaning up against the couch next to one another, and up until this moment they'd been sharing a comfortable silence. Dean looked over at his little brother and shrugged his shoulders, taking a swig of the rapidly warming beer in his hand.

"I guess so, Sammy," he said. "I mean, whether I'm ready or not, it's about to happen."

There was only one thing that Dean knew about his soulmate; whoever it was, he or she was not than Dean. He didn't know by how much, but he did know that his soulmate wasn't yet or had just turned twenty-two. He'd turned twenty-two almost a year ago now, but every year leading up to this one, there hadn't been a note on his dresser when he awoke. Every New Year's Day was exactly the same—nothing out of place, nothing strange or different. He hadn't been visited by his soulmate yet, which meant that he or she was younger than he was—or at most, the same age.

His mind raced with possibilities as the clock ticked closer to midnight. Dean knew that he would only have an hour as his soulmate—he'd have to figure out _everything_ over the course of that hour, and although he'd read more internet articles than he'd like to admit about how to make the most of his hour, he was still incredibly nervous. There were so many things that could go wrong, so many things that could hinder him in his search to find out everything he could about his soulmate. As the first one to go, he had the biggest responsibility. If he didn't find a way to communicate or to figure things out, they would have to wait until his soulmate turned twenty-two for a second shot. If that failed, too, well. There was almost no hope at that point.

Sure, there were websites out there that catered to soulmates who had missed their shot at each other, post after post of descriptions of bedrooms and facial features and family members, snippets of remembered information that people put online in a desperate attempt to find their other half. It didn't always work.

In the weeks leading up to New Year's Eve, Dean had learned how to write a few sentences in over twenty different languages. He'd read up on the best ways to find information about a soulmate, learned how to quickly and easily communicate who he was through different means. Dean, himself, had left a pad of paper and a few pens on his dresser every New Year's Eve since he was ten years old, but he couldn't count on his soulmate to be so proactive. He'd heard stories of people unable to find anything to write on or with, unable to get into a locked cell phone to leave a message or their phone number, unable to even find a mirror to see what their soulmate looked like. The idea of something like that happening made him a little nauseated, and he turned his head to focus on the clock, instead.

11:23 PM.

"Are you nervous?" his little brother's voice pulled him out of the monologue in his head, and he took another pull from his beer. Sam was eighteen and he was pretty intuitive when it came to Dean.

"A little bit," he conceded, not wanting to burden Sammy with everything that was on his mind. Honestly, he was terrified, but he was also more excited than he'd been in his entire life. "Mostly excited, though. I don't actually know why I'm drinking this." He gestured with his half-empty beer. "Not like I'll be awake for it. Once I'm… you know. I won't be drunk. Unless they drink, too. Oh, God, Sammy, what if they don't drink?!"

Sam laughed warmly, taking a drink from his own beer. He was underage, but Dean always let him have one with him. "I don't think they could be your soulmate if they didn't drink, Dean."

Dean hoped he was right. His mind was going a mile a minute again, filtering through possibilities. Would his soulmate be a guy or a girl? He didn't really have a preference, to be honest, but he couldn't imagine someone who thought they were straight ending up finding out that their soulmate was the same sex—or vice versa. He was lucky that he didn't have that problem. How old would his soulmate be? Where would they live? His heart started to pound again and he glanced over at the clock, forcing himself out of his thoughts.

11:41 PM.

He drained the rest of his beer, setting the empty bottle on the coffee table in front of him. Dean's palms were beginning to sweat, but as if Sammy could _hear_ his thoughts, he turned and gave his brother a big, warm smile. "Don't sweat it, De," he encouraged. "You've been preparing for this forever. You know exactly what you need to do. Just don't panic and you'll be fine."

Dean nodded, taking a deep breath. Sam wasn't wrong, it was just that he didn't know what he was getting himself into. There were so many things that could go awry that it had his heart pounding again. Dean forced himself to look at the clock.

11:54 PM.

 _Fuck._ Time was racing past him and he wasn't ready for this. Dean wiped his sweaty hands on his pajama bottoms and looked at Sam worriedly.

"You're gonna be here when I get back, right?" he asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

"Of course, De. I'm gonna sit right here until you wake up, and then you can tell me everything." Sam had agreed to take notes of Dean's experience so that he could remember as much as possible, and he had agreed to help Dean find his soulmate after this whole experience. Dean was glad to have such a nerdy little brother at a time like this.

"Thanks, Sammy. I—"

And as the clock chimed midnight, Dean's eyes fell shut and he was asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

When Dean opened his eyes, he was in a dark bedroom. That was to be expected—most people who hadn't met their soulmates yet and weren't old enough were in bed long before midnight on New Year's Eve in case their soulmate came to them. It just made things less messy. Having your soulmate take over while you were awake made things a little jarring for everyone. Dean sat up in bed, his hands immediately flying to his face. Stubble and a strong jaw were waiting under his nimble fingertips, and he slid his hands down the front of his body. Oh, his soulmate was _definitely_ a dude, and a pretty fit one, as far as he could tell.

Dean reached over and turned on the light on the table beside the bed, examining his hands once the light flooded the room. Long, thin fingers met his eyes, and he had soft, uncalloused palms. Whoever this guy was, he didn't work with his hands as much as Dean did. He was wearing soft blue button-down pajamas, a matching shirt and pants, and bare feet. Dean swung his legs out of the bed and planted the feet on the floor, standing up and looking around the room.

It was fairly plain, a light and airy feel to it, but not many personal items. The guy seemed to be fairly minimalistic. There was the bed, of course, and two bedside tables with lamps. There was also a bookshelf in the corner as well as a dresser with a mirror over it. There was a desk in the corner with a laptop sitting on it, its lid closed. He made a beeline for the dresser, which had nothing on it. Dean scowled a little bit—of course, there was no paper or pens on the dresser for him to write a note. He also hadn't seen a cell phone anywhere.

Dean looked in the mirror, then, and his breath caught in his throat.

The man looking back at him was unexpected, yet somehow felt familiar. There was a mess of black hair on his head, messy and tousled. His face was all large blue eyes and black stubble that framed plush lips. He wasn't short, but he wasn't quite as tall as Dean, either. He grinned at his reflection, and the dazzling smile that met his eyes was nothing short of incredible. Oh, yeah, he could totally look at this face for the rest of his life.

As tempting as it was to spend his entire hour looking in the mirror, Dean knew that he needed to get to work. He made his way over to the bookshelf and was delighted to find that all of the books were in English. Even if he wasn't currently in an English-speaking country, at least his soulmate knew the language. That was one barrier that they wouldn't have to overcome.

Next, he tried the desk. Dean sat down, looking all over for a pen and paper, but to no avail. "Fuck," he swore, shoving his hand through his hair in frustration, but then marveling at how soft the hair was. " _Fuck._ "

He opened the laptop, but was displeased to find that it was password protected. Briefly, he wished Sam was here—his baby brother would be into the laptop in a matter of minutes, but that just wasn't a skill that Dean possessed.

With a grunt of frustration, Dean stood up from the desk, determined to find _something_ of use around here. He searched through both bedside tables, looking for paper, a cell phone, a wallet, _anything_ that he could use to identify his soulmate, but there was nothing there.

Dean was starting to panic. He didn't know how much time he had left, but he couldn't waste a moment of it. He went to the door of the bedroom and opened it as quietly as possible—for all he knew, his soulmate still lived with his parents or had roommates or something. The hallway outside of the bedroom was dark and quiet, and Dean fumbled along the wall for a light switch.

Luckily for Dean, it seemed that his soulmate was perhaps a bit sentimental. All along the hallway hung picture frames of this man with a multitude of different people—whether they were friends or family he wasn't sure, but he studied each face for a few moments as he walked past.

At the end of the hallway was a living room and a kitchen, and so Dean figured that this was an apartment. One bedroom, from the looks of it. He made his way into the living room, first.

There was still no sign in sight of who his soulmate was. Dean flicked the light in the living room on, looking for a wallet or something on the little table by the door, but there was nothing there. "Damn it, man, where do you keep your wallet?" he said out loud, startled by the deep, gravelly voice that came out of his mouth. Holy _fuck._ This just kept getting better, but he didn't have the time to appreciate the little things he was learning. He needed to know something about this guy, and he needed to figure it out quick.

He looked around the living room quickly, but it was austere as the bedroom was. A couch and loveseat, a coffee table, a television stand with a television sitting on top of it. There was a collection of movies, but he didn't stop to look at what they were. He didn't know what time it was, but he knew that he was running out of time, and fast. He needed to focus his efforts.

With the living room being a bust, Dean decided to head into the kitchen. It wasn't a large kitchen, but it was clean and modern with grey countertops and black cabinets. All of the appliances were stainless steel. Dean started to frantically dig through the kitchen drawers, desperately searching for _something_ that would either tell him who his soulmate was or at least let him leave a piece of himself behind. He looked up at the microwave and finally saw the time—12:55 AM.

"Fuck!" Dean swore, shouting louder than he meant to and looking around frantically. There had to be _something_ he could do.

Finally, after a couple minutes of panicking, Dean saw his one saving grace. Despite the lack of _anything_ in this apartment, Dean's soulmate had a magnetic shopping list pad and pen stuck to his refrigerator. He grabbed the pen and threw the cap off, hardly hearing it clatter to the ground as he began to scribble on the paper.

And just like that, Dean Winchester woke up to Sammy's excited face.


	3. Chapter 3

He woke up on his kitchen floor.

His first thought was that it was immensely inconsiderate of his so-called "soulmate" to leave him _there,_ of all places. Even the couch would have been preferable, if for some reason he couldn't make it back to the bed. He stood, straightening his rumpled pajamas and trying to stretch out his stiff neck.

His second thought was a desperate hope that whoever had been in his body last night, in his apartment and _inside of him,_ hadn't managed to find out anything about him.

It wasn't that Castiel didn't believe in love—quite the contrary, actually. He believed completely in true love, in soulmates and everything else. The problem was that he knew he could never meet his soulmate.

First of all, Castiel was almost positive that his soulmate was a man. That caused problems in and of itself, because his religious family was extremely anti-homosexuality. The very thought that his soulmate could be a man would have them up in arms, and he didn't want to risk their wrath.

Secondly, it wasn't as though Castiel had all the freedom in the world. Sure, he got to live on his own, but he worked for his father and he'd signed a lifetime non-compete clause at the age of eighteen when he'd started at the law firm. Now, one his way to a law degree and no prospects of another job in his field, he was stuck fast. Castiel had started college at the age of sixteen thanks to a rigorous homeschooling curriculum and he'd completed his bachelor's degree in three years. Now he was twenty years old and in law school, the only type of education his parents would pay for, and he was completely stuck. His parents didn't care much about soulmates despite the fact that they were, themselves. They didn't care whether their sons found wives or not as long as it didn't interfere with the family business.

Having a soulmate would only serve to complicate things. He'd likely be disowned for marrying a man, and what would he do, then? Unable to work in his field, completely cut off from his entire family—the very thought of it made his head spin. It wasn't as though he was particularly close with most of his family members, but they were all he had.

Castiel looked at the refrigerator, then, and his blood ran cold.

There on his shopping list, below where he'd written "EGGS" and "MILK" and "BREAD" in neat handwriting, was a scrawled note.

 _Dean Winchester. Kansas. 785-555-_

And that was where the note ended. A name, a state, and six digits of a phone number were all that he had to go on to make sure that this man could never, ever find him. He tore the note off of the pad of paper and folded it carefully before tucking it into his pocket.

Of _course_ Dean Winchester lived in Kansas. It was only his luck that he was sharing a state with the man who was supposedly his soulmate. It only served to quicken his heartbeat, to make his anxiety worse. Why couldn't he have been matched with someone across the country—or better yet, a world away? So many people ended up with soulmates from other countries, and that would have been much easier for Castiel to avoid. Now he had the worry that Dean lived practically around the corner.

Castiel went to his bathroom cabinet, the one room that he assumed this Dean Winchester wouldn't have checked. He opened the cabinet and pulled out a backpack that contained his wallet, his passport, his cell phone, and anything else that might be used to identify him. All Dean would have to go on was his face, the photographs on his walls, and _maybe_ his address, if he was really quick and really clever.

A sigh of relief blew through his lips as he made his way back into his bedroom. It was strange, falling asleep in his bed and waking up on his kitchen floor. Every light in his apartment was on, and that included the bedside lamp in his bedroom. Castiel could see that his laptop was open and he rushed over to it, relieved to see that Dean hadn't even _attempted_ the password. He closed the lid softly and made his way over to his bed. The way the covers were thrown back made him uneasy. Castiel always made his bed, even if he was just getting up in the middle of the night for the bathroom or a glass of water. He wrinkled his nose at the haphazard bedsheets and comforter and promptly straightened them out. Soulmate or not, Dean didn't seem like the type of person that Castiel wanted to be around, from what he knew.

Castiel placed his backpack down by the side of his bed, plugging his phone back into its charger and ignoring the barrage of text messages from his brother, Gabriel. Gabe was much more open-minded about the whole _soulmate_ thing and had a habit of texting Castiel every New Year's morning around one o'clock to see whether he'd been visited. Normally, he would answer in the morning when he awoke, so he planned to do the same thing this year—except that he planned to _lie._ If he told Gabriel that he'd been visited, Gabe would do his best to find Dean Winchester, and that was the absolute last thing that Castiel needed.

After all, if Gabe somehow managed to find Dean, it would probably mean losing Gabe forever. Gabriel was the brother that Castiel was the closest to, and the thought of losing him because he'd been disowned made his stomach hurt. No, it was better for everyone that Dean Winchester stayed out of their lives.

He took the note from Dean out of his pocket, looking at the scrawled handwriting one more time before placing the note in the drawer of his nightstand. Then, Castiel crawled back into bed and turned off the lamp, the darkness surrounding him and pulling him deeper inside his own head. That night, Castiel dreamed of what his soulmate might be like.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi guys! Wow, this story is already getting some reviews and I'm so glad you're all enjoying it! I'm posting this story as I write it, so there's not really going to be a designated upload schedule. As soon as I finish a chapter I'll be posting it. This chapter is a little bit short and there's been a little bit of a time jump from the first three chapters, but I have chapter five partially written already and will probably be posting it later today, so stay tuned!**

 **I hope you guys continue to enjoy this story!**

Sam and Dean sat on the floor of their living room, swigging cold beers out of bottles as they leaned against the couch behind them.

It had been two years since Dean's night with his soulmate, and last New Year's had been supremely disappointing. He was almost positive that he hadn't been visited, unless his soulmate woke up and then just slept in his body for the whole hour. There was no note, no _anything._ This year, he was trying not to get his hopes up, although from what he could remember of the man in the mirror, he'd looked like he was fairly close to Dean's age, and so he couldn't help but be slightly hopeful that maybe, just maybe, tonight would be the night.

Dean was twenty-four now and Sam was twenty, which meant that there were two more years before Sam would have his night out. He hadn't been visited yet, either, and so both of them were back in their old rituals of leaving paper and pens on their dressers, just in case.

"It's getting kind of close to midnight, De," Sam's warm voice came, and Dean drained what was left of his beer into his mouth, swallowing thickly.

"We'd better get to bed, then, Sammy," he replied. Sam shook his head.

"Not that close. We still have… what, an hour? Tell me again about what you saw." The closer Sam's time came, the more he wanted to hear about Dean's experience. Even if it made Dean's chest ache, he couldn't deny his brother anything, and so he began the story again.

Dean told his little brother about everything—the bedroom, the pajamas, the password-protected computer, the refrigerator. He told Sammy about the photographs in the hallway and about the minimalistic decorations. He told Sam _everything—_ except for the part about those piercing blue eyes. They were the one thing, the one little tidbit that Dean kept all for himself. Even now, remembering the intensity of that stare sent a shiver down his spine. He could still recall the rough feel of stubble under soft fingertips, silky locks of unruly black hair, a thin but muscular frame. It had been _two years_ since Dean had laid eyes on his soulmate and he was no closer to figuring out who the guy was. It was driving him crazy not knowing, and all he could do was wait. Dean hadn't figured out _anything_ while he was there in his soulmate's house, and so all of the pressure was on him to communicate with Dean. Hell, he hadn't even managed to give the guy his whole phone number, and for all he knew there could be a million Dean Winchesters in the world.

At least, that's what he told himself. It was far better than the alternative—that his soulmate was purposely not looking for him for one reason or another. Maybe something had happened to him. Maybe he wanted to wait until his turn to visit so that he could see what he was getting himself into. Maybe he was in denial about being into dudes. Whatever it was, it was making Dean anxious. He didn't know whether he could take another year of this. Tonight _had_ to be the night, or so he hoped.

As the story came to an end and Sam was smiling dreamily, Dean laughed. "Okay, okay, bedtime story is over. Come on, get to sleep—tonight could be the night for either one of us." Still, selfishly, Dean hoped that it would be him. He shoved Sam toward his bedroom and then cleaned up the beer bottles before making his way off to bed, himself.

Dean always had the same New Year's Eve ritual.

First, he brushed his teeth—twice. He didn't want his soulmate waking up in his body and having gross morning breath. Then he washed his face and changed out of his clothes in favor of a pair of boxers and nothing else. Despite his soulmate's preference for full pajamas, Dean liked to sleep in the nude whenever possible. New Year's Eve, however, he made sure to at least cover up a little bit. Not that his soulmate couldn't strip him down and take a look—and oh, how he wished he'd done that when he was there, even if he never would have been able to take advantage like that. It didn't mean that he couldn't fantasize a little about what he would have seen.

Dean pulled the paper and pens out of the top drawer of his dresser and left them on top, arranged carefully so that a note could be written to him. He desperately hoped that, when his soulmate came, he'd spend the entire hour writing about himself so that Dean might have a better chance of finding him. He left his wallet beside the paper, as well, so that his soulmate could have as much information as possible, too.

Then, Dean climbed into bed. He took the passcode lock off of his phone and plugged it in by his bedside, pulling the comforter up over himself and turning out the light. With all of the nerves and the high hopes, he wasn't sure that he'd get to sleep in time, but before long he was drifting off.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Here's chapter five, as promised. I'll be writing more this week and hopefully I'll have at least one or two more chapters up before the weekend!**

Castiel opened his eyes to find himself in total darkness. For a few moments, he allowed himself to pretend that he'd simply woken up in the middle of the night and that if he just went back to sleep, everything would be fine. He knew, however, that that wasn't the case, and he had a lot of work to do.

He sat up in the bed and turned on the light on the side table. Castiel had vowed to spend his hour learning as much about Dean Winchester as possible—not in order to find him, but in order to stay as far away from him as possible. Hopefully this would be the last time the two of them would ever cross paths. Castiel looked at his hands as they came away from the lamp, taking note of the callouses and rough patches. Clearly Dean worked with his hands quite a bit. Whether that was for work or pleasure remained to be seen. Castiel stood up, looking down and being surprised to see that Dean didn't wear much to bed.

The next thing that Castiel saw was the cell phone sitting on the bedside table. He pressed the button to unlock it and was surprised to see that it opened right up with no passcode. Maybe Dean didn't use one, or maybe he'd been preparing for this. The latter thought made Castiel's stomach sink—Dean was clearly so excited about the prospect of his soulmate, and he'd somehow managed to get matched to Castiel, who was trying as hard as he could to _avoid_ his soulmate.

He quickly scrolled through the contact list, trying to commit as many names as possible to memory. Sam Winchester had to be a relative of some sort, although there was no one else with that last name in the phone, nor anyone under 'Mom' or 'Dad.' That made him feel a little sad—Dean didn't seem to have much family apart from Sam. There were other names that stuck out—Bobby Singer, Jo and Ellen Harvelle, Charlie Bradbury—and Castiel desperately hoped that he could remember them all.

Castiel stood, purposely avoiding the mirror on the wall. He didn't want to know what Dean looked like, despite the fact that it would have made avoiding him potentially much easier. He was afraid that if he saw Dean, if he looked into Dean's eyes, that he wouldn't be able to keep himself away. No, it was safer to avoid reflections and pictures altogether. If he never knew what Dean looked like, maybe one day he could forget him.

Briefly, his mind drifted to what all Dean had seen during his hour in Castiel's apartment. Had he looked in the mirror? Had he seen all of the pictures on the walls? He knew that Dean probably hadn't gotten too much information based on the fact that he hadn't heard from the man in the past two years, but he couldn't help peeking at the scribbled note in his bedside drawer from time to time. He knew that he shouldn't, knew that he shouldn't even _think_ about Dean, but he couldn't help it. Maybe tonight would give him some closure.

Castiel decided that it was probably the best idea to not leave the room. For all he knew, Dean could have roommates or something, and it was safer if nobody knew that he was here tonight. If people started to push him for details about who he was it would get awkward fast, and Castiel just didn't want to deal with it. Instead, he locked the bedroom door from the inside and continued to look around for information.

That was when Castiel saw the mail on the bedside table. He grabbed the piece on top—it was just some postcard sized advertisement for a new pizza place, but it had Dean's name and address printed on it.

Dean lived less than a mile from Castiel.

He dropped all of the mail in his hands, not caring where it landed—what were the odds of his soulmate living so close to him? Castiel was familiar with this street, with this part of town. He knew where he was. Suddenly, he was relieved that he'd put anything identifying away every New Year's Eve until after Dean came along. If Dean had found out how close Castiel lived to him, he might have showed up at his apartment or something, and that would have been an absolute disaster. His anxiety was heightened even more, now. He couldn't risk Dean finding him, but he couldn't move away because of his job. He was stuck. It just meant that he had to be a lot more vigilant.

Castiel checked the cell phone again, wanting to see how much time he had left. Thirty minutes until he woke up in his own bed and this was all over.

He eyed the paper and pens on the dresser, very clearly left there for him so that he could write down anything he needed to. Dean had had to search for things to write on and with at his apartment, and Castiel had done that on purpose. The less information that Dean could give him, the better.

Now, however, the thought of Dean waking up to _nothing_ made him sad. They were soulmates, after all, and Dean was clearly very dedicated to this whole thing. He couldn't very well just tuck Dean back into bed to wake up to a dark room like nothing had happened at all. Besides, he had to at least let Dean know that he'd been here so that he wasn't waiting next year and the year after and… well, indefinitely, he guessed.

Castiel grabbed the paper and the pen, conscious to avoid looking at himself in the mirror, and settled on the bed to write his letter. Every few minutes he checked the clock, not wanting his letter to end like Dean's note did, with most of a phone number or any other kind of unfinished thought.

Instead of his full name, he left his initials at the bottom of the page. Castiel sighed, getting up and putting the letter back on the dresser, laying the pen next to it neatly. He'd written more than he'd planned, ending up explaining his reasoning and his predicament to Dean, apologizing quite a bit, and wishing him well.

Castiel took a deep breath and made his way back to the bed with a few minutes to spare. He turned off the light and got under the covers, closing his eyes tight and waiting for it all to be over.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean woke up at one o'clock on the dot. He knew it was one o'clock because his phone screen was still on and it wasn't where he'd left it. Instantly, excitement coursed through him and he turned his lamp on, a grin on his face. His soulmate had been here. This was it.

He scrambled out of bed and ran to his dresser, his heart leaping into his throat when he saw a letter in neat, even handwriting placed carefully on the top. Dean took the letter and ran back to his bed, sitting cross-legged and leaning up against his headboard so that he could read whatever his soulmate had left for him.

 _Dean,_

 _I am truly sorry to have to be writing this to you. I know that growing up, most people fantasize about their soulmates, about what will happen on the night when their soulmate visits them. There are so many barriers for so many people. Some people have to travel around the world or learn another language. Some people's soulmates die before they ever have a chance to meet. Some people never even get visited because of that. I was lucky enough to be visited by you and to get to visit you, too, but you were unlucky enough to end up with me as a soulmate._

 _I have known since I was young that my soulmate would likely be a man. I have only ever had interest in men romantically, and that is where the problem lies. My family would never approve of my soulmate being a male. My family is all that I have, Dean, and my entire life is entwined with them. My job, my apartment, my schooling, even the town where I live. If my family were to disown me, I would lose absolutely everything, and that is why we can never meet._

 _I want you to know how sorry I am that you ended up being my soulmate—or, rather, that I ended up being yours. You deserve to be matched with someone who can be with you, who can give you all the things that you want and need. I don't know much about you, but I am sure that you are worthy of so much more than me as your soulmate. I deeply regret the circumstance we are in and I wish that I could do something to remedy it._

 _Please do not take any of this personally. This is by no fault of your own. I know almost nothing about you, not even what you look like. All I have is your address, your name, and most of your phone number. I know that you have a relative named Sam. I know that you deserve a much happier life than this._

 _Again, Dean, I am so sorry about all of this. I sincerely hope that you lead a long and happy life and that you forget all about me._

 _C. N._

There were tears in Dean's eyes as he finished the letter—he didn't even know the man's name. He could still vividly remember the reflection in the mirror, that tousled hair and those bright blue eyes. His heart ached at the thought of never seeing that face again. His whole life had been leading up to this moment and now… now it was over. Whoever his soulmate was never wanted to see him again.

Dean got back out of bed and went to leave his bedroom, surprised to find that the door was locked. He quickly unlocked it and made his way into the kitchen, still clutching the letter in his hand as he poured himself a double of whiskey, knocking half of it back in one swig. Of course this would happen to him. His life had been one unlucky circumstance after another for a really long time.

Sam and Dean's mother had died when they were kids and their dad had never been the same since. He'd moved them around a lot, leaving them in grungy motels alone for weeks on end while he went off to work jobs. Dean had practically raised his little brother on his own, always sacrificing for Sammy. Not that he minded, of course—Sam was the most important person in Dean's life, but that didn't change the fact that Dean had had to grow up fast.

Once Sam turned eighteen, Dean packed the two of them up and moved them into a house. He'd been saving and he bought the house behind his father's back. The two brothers had cut ties with their father and Dean found himself needing a job so that he could support Sammy while he went to college. He'd been lucky to find Bobby Singer and his auto repair shop. Dean quickly became one of the top mechanics there and he became a friend of Bobby's, too. Now, he and Sam had dinner with Bobby, his girlfriend, Ellen, and her daughter, Jo, every Sunday night. Ellen owned a bar in town—one that Dean frequented quite a bit.

Only recently had his luck turned around, and he'd stupidly thought that maybe, just maybe, he'd finished paying his dues. He'd hoped that his life would be smooth sailing for the most part. He'd meet his soulmate, get married, and live happily ever after, but no. Of course not. Life had to shove him back into the dirt again.

Dean finished his drink, tossing the letter onto the kitchen countertop and pouring himself another. He had half a mind to wake Sam up, but his brother needed his sleep, so he decided against it. They could talk about it in the morning, he guessed—or never. Dean didn't like to burden Sammy with his problems. Sam was destined to be the successful one. He was on track to be a lawyer, super smart, and had tons of friends at school. He didn't need to be weighed down with whatever Dean was going through.

He finished the second drink, letting the alcohol cloud his mind and ease the aching in his chest. Dean grabbed for the bottle and poured a third drink, all in quick succession, but it didn't matter. It wasn't as if he had to wake up for work on New Year's Day, and the longer he slept, the longer he could go without having to deal with all of this.

Dean grabbed for the letter, reading it again because he was, evidently, some kind of masochist. His heart sank lower and lower with every line and as he put the letter back down on the counter and ran a hand over his face, he realized that he was crying. His heart was breaking for a man whose name he didn't even know, and he'd never felt more stupid.

He drained his third drink and then stumbled back to his bedroom, flopping down on top of his bed and promptly falling asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

He woke to pounding on his bedroom door, which was echoing in his skull like the worst kind of headache.

Dean groaned pitifully and rolled over, the sunlight streaming in through the window and assaulting his eyes, heightening the headache that he had. It wasn't as if he'd had _all_ that much to drink, but between that and the tears it had apparently been enough to give him a decent hangover. He sat up, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead.

"For fuck's sake, Sammy, quit knocking and come in, but be quiet about it!" he shouted, his own voice causing the ache in his head to increase. He rubbed his temples as he heard the door click open, Sammy's bare feet padding on the wooden floor as he entered the room.

"Dean, what the hell is this?" he asked, clearly upset. The tone of his voice always gave Sam's emotions away, at least to Dean. Dean could detect the slightest nuance in Sam's tone and always knew exactly how he was feeling.

Dean peeled his eyes open to see what his brother was talking about. _Fuck._ He'd left the letter from C. N. on the kitchen counter last night, and apparently Sam had found it—and read it, too, if the incredulous look on his face was anything to go by. The last thing Dean wanted to do was relive reading that letter, but Sam looked so genuinely upset on his behalf that he drew his knees up to his chest and patted the edge of his bed, gesturing for Sam to sit down.

Sammy came and sat on the end of the bed, crossing his legs indian-style and looking worriedly at his big brother. "What _is_ this, Dean?" he demanded, and Dean sighed.

"It's what happened last night," he managed, his voice gravelly and thick. "He was here. I don't even know his name—C was here. That's all he left me, Sam. I'll never be able to find him, not with that, but he doesn't want me to find him, anyway. He just wants me to leave him alone." Dean's voice was laced with bitterness. It wasn't his soulmate that he blamed so much, but the universe for putting them in this situation. Life had always been shitting on Dean, and this was no different, but that didn't mean that he couldn't be bitter about it.

Dean eyed the letter, not eager to read it again but still drawn to it. It was the only piece of his soulmate that he had, the _only_ tangible thing that he could actually touch and see and hold in his hands. Everything else was just memories of the hour he'd spent, and the most vivid was the look in the mirror. It wasn't fair for him to be given someone like C and then have him ripped away again before he ever really even had him. _Fuck,_ what he wouldn't give for things to be different. Dean wanted to at least meet the guy, even if it was just once, but he had no information to go on, and those missed soulmate websites never worked for anyone.

His stomach began to churn right along with his thoughts, and suddenly Dean was reaching for the garbage can that he kept beside his bed and emptying what little was in his stomach. He shuddered, wiping his mouth and looking over to see Sammy staring at him with a worried look on his face. "'M fine, Sammy," he grumbled, but that only made Sam frown harder.

"You're not fine, Dean, _look_ at you," he protested, crossing his arms over his chest. "You've been waiting for this your whole life, and this is what you get? It's not fair." Sam huffed, annoyed. "There's gotta be something we can do. Some information we can go on to try to find this guy."

"No, Sam." Dean looked at him earnestly. "I'm not doing that. He obviously doesn't want to be found, and I'm not the type that's gonna force myself into someone's life who doesn't want me there. He has my information, he knows who I am. He looked at my mail and he was in my phone—if C. N. wants to find me, he can. If he doesn't? Well, that's none of my business."

"But Dean!" Sam protested, eyes wide. "He's your _soulmate._ You're supposed to end up together, to get married and—"

"And that doesn't happen for everyone, and you know that. Not everyone gets a happily ever after, even if their soulmate is out there. You see it all the time. I'm not the first one and I'm sure I won't be the last. Now… now we just focus on you and your soulmate, okay? I'll be fine. I always am. Besides, what do I need a soulmate for? I've got you and Bobby and Ellen and Jo and Charlie, and everyone else. I'm fulfilled. My life is awesome. Probably the universe just… I don't know, couldn't fit more awesome into one guy's life." Dean smiled in a way that he hoped was encouraging. Sam looked skeptical, but didn't argue any more.

"I'm hungry. Will you make me pancakes?" And Dean, who could never say no to his baby brother, grinned and nodded.

Over breakfast, they talked about other things, trying to avoid the topic of Dean's soulmate.

"I'm starting my new job tomorrow," Sam said, grinning. "Well, it's really an internship, but I'm excited. Two more years of law school and I'll be able to be an _actual_ lawyer, and Novak and Sons is the best law firm in town. Do you know how many of my classmates were trying to intern there? They only take, like, two or three interns a year, and most of them don't end up working there. This is _amazing._ "

Dean couldn't help but beam proudly at Sam. Despite all the obstacles they'd faced as kids, his baby brother was growing up to be one hell of a guy. "That's awesome, Sammy," he praised, shoving a forkful of pancakes and butter and syrup in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully and swallowing. "You gotta tell me everything when you get home tomorrow night."

"Of course I will. Will you make bacon cheeseburgers for dinner tomorrow night? And a good salad, too? I'm gonna be hungry after my first day."

Dean laughed. "You know I'll never say no to making cheeseburgers."


	8. Chapter 8

His car wouldn't start.

Of course it was today, when the new interns would be starting, that Castiel couldn't get to work because his stupid car wouldn't start. He didn't even know what was wrong with it—mechanical things had never been his strong suit, and looking under the hood of his car made his head swim with confusion. All he knew was that his car was making a sound that it didn't sound like it should be making, and no matter how many times he turned the key, the car just would not turn on.

That was how he found himself at Bobby's Auto Repair, forking out cash to a surly tow truck driver and shivering in the cold. Castiel sent numerous text messages to his brothers explaining the situation, hoping that they would be understanding of his predicament. Instead of waiting for them to respond, he put his phone on silent and tucked it into his coat pocket—he could turn it on again when he was out of here. Letting his family stress him out while he was trying to get his car fixed wasn't exactly an ideal situation.

He entered the shop, his car sitting out in the parking lot, and looked around at all of the mechanics. Most of them were either lying on their backs underneath cars or bent over engines, and the sounds of metal clanking against metal echoed in the large space.

A rather gruff looking man approached him and didn't even smile. So much for customer service. "You got the Corolla, right? The one Tony brought in? Won't start, makin' a weird noise?" Castiel nodded wordlessly, and the man grunted. "I guess yer gonna wait on it, too, huh? That's up to you—we can call you a cab if that would be easier for ya."

Castiel visibly brightened—maybe he wouldn't miss so much work, after all. He'd just planned on waiting for the car, but if they were going to call him a cab, maybe it was going to take longer than a few hours for them to fix. It wasn't an ideal situation, but at least it would get him to work at a decent time. "Yes, please, I would very much appreciate that," he said, and the man grunted again.

"Come on in the office, then, where it's warm. You can wait for yer cab there." Castiel followed dutifully, squeezing into the small office and sitting in one of two chairs placed in front of the desk that didn't seem like it would have fit through the door, nor did it seem that there was enough room in the office to have built it inside. While he tried to figure out just how they'd gotten the thing in there, the gruff man called the cab company.

"Ten minutes," he said. "Do me a favor and fill out yer form before ya go, it'll save a lot of time later." He pushed a clipboard toward Castiel and he quickly filled in his information—name, address, phone number, information about his car, and even where he worked in case they needed to contact him about his car. By the time he finished filling it all out in his neat, even handwriting, there was a car honking out front. "That'll be yer cab, boy. We'll give ya a call when the car's done or if anything's gonna be expensive, okay?"

Castiel nodded, standing and drawing his trench coat tightly around him. "Thank you," he said politely, and he slipped out of the office. He kept his head down as he walked through the garage and then got into the cab, giving the driver the address of his family's law firm. He wouldn't be too late, after all.

Bobby Singer glanced over the form that the man—Castiel—had filled out in regards to his car. When it came to diagnostics, there was one mechanic that he trusted over all the rest, and so he took the paperwork out onto the garage floor.

"Dean, boy, I got an assignment for ya!" he shouted, his voice carrying and echoing off the walls.

Within moments Dean was approaching him, wiping his greasy hands with what seemed to be an equally greasy rag, a grin on his face. Whenever Bobby had an assignment for him, it meant that it was going to be something interesting.

"Yeah, Bobby, whatcha got?" he asked when he got close enough that he didn't have to shout. Bobby handed him the paperwork and Dean looked it over, nodding slowly as he did so. It seemed fairly straightforward—diagnostic first, then some engine work, and it probably wasn't anything too crazy. He preferred more of a challenge or an older car, but he could work on a Corolla just as easily. "Sounds good, I'll get started right away."

Once they got the car into the garage, Dean popped the hood and got to work.

Castiel arrived at work late, disheveled, and just after the interns had started their orientation. He was supposed to be involved with that, but luckily, Gabriel was in there keeping them entertained without him. He straightened his tie, deposited his trench coat and his briefcase in his office, and then entered the small room where the three interns were seated, none of them really listening to Gabe as he enthusiastically regaled them with tales of some of their less interesting cases.

He cleared his throat as he entered the room and everyone looked up, suddenly interested. "My apologies for being late," he offered, smiling sheepishly as he made his way to the front of the room to stand next to Gabe. "I'm Castiel Novak, and it appears that you've already met my brother, Gabriel. We are, obviously, two of the sons in Novak and Sons. Why don't we go around the room and each of you can introduce yourselves? I imagine that my brother didn't let any of you get a word in."

Castiel chuckled, as did the interns—Gabriel, on the other hand, shot him a sour look.

"I suppose we'll start with you," Castiel offered, gesturing toward the intern on one end.

"Uh, Kevin Tran," the young man said, seeming nervous. Most of the interns were nervous on their first day—Novak and Sons was the best law firm around, and Castiel understood that it could be intimidating. That was why he'd volunteered himself and Gabriel to be the ones to initiate the interns. The rest of his family could be… overbearing, to say the least.

"Welcome, Kevin," Castiel offered, smiling warmly, before turning his eyes to the woman in the middle.

"Meg Masters," she said, her arms crossed over her chest and a hardened look on her face. Castiel gave her the same warm smile and a slight nod before turning to the final intern, a tall man with large hazel eyes and an excited grin on his face.

"I'm Sam Winchester."

Those three words had Castiel's blood running ice cold in his veins. _Sam Winchester._

Castiel was screwed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! This is a bit of a shorter chapter (and not a very exciting one, unfortunately) but I promise that longer and more interesting chapters are on their way! My goal is to get another chapter up tonight (fingers crossed!) so that we can have at least some excitement. If you're enjoying this story, please feel free to leave a review! I love hearing from you guys!**

Sam was practically bouncing off the walls by the time Dean got home, eager to tell him about his first day. His suit was rumpled and his tie was undone, but his eyes were shining with an excitement that he hadn't seen on his brother's face in too long. It made Dean smile, too, his heart feeling full just from looking at the joy that Sam was exhibiting. In that moment, he could make himself believe that this was all he ever needed.

"Dean!" his little brother exclaimed as he walked through the door, dirty and sore and tired. "How was your day? Mine was great!"

Dean chuckled, trying in vain to wipe his greasy palms on his greasy pants. "My day was all right, Sam, nothing special. Listen, let me clean up and then I'll start dinner, okay? You should probably get changed and hang that suit up if you're gonna be wearing it tomorrow." Sam nodded eagerly and they both went off to their own rooms to clean up for dinner.

Once he got out of a long, hot shower and donned his worn-in jeans and Led Zeppelin tee shirt, Dean made his way back down to the kitchen, busying himself with starting the burgers. It wasn't long before Sammy joined him, also showered and changed, still buzzing with all of the excitement of his first day at his internship. As Dean put out the beef and the bacon and the buns (and the vegetables, for Sammy's sake), he glanced over his shoulder at his brother. "Well, are ya gonna tell me about your day, or what?"

Sam visibly brightened even more, if that was possible, and started talking a mile a minute.

"Oh my God, Dean, it was the greatest day ever! The law firm is so cool and everyone is really nice so far—well, one of the other interns is kind of grouchy and we only met two of the Novaks, but they were awesome! The third intern seems nice, too. His name is Kevin and he seems really cool. I don't know about Meg, she doesn't talk much or smile much or… make eye contact. She's probably a really scary lawyer, though. I wouldn't want to go up against her in the courtroom!" Dean laughed at Sam's enthusiasm, forming burger patties and dropping them in a hot pan.

"We met two of the Novaks, the youngest ones. Gabriel was there when we all got there. He told us to call him Gabe and he has this really bright smile and—" Sam cut off, blushing, when Dean turned to him with a raised eyebrow. "What?" he squeaked, embarrassed. "So maybe I thought he was cute or something. _Anyway."_ Dean laughed and turned back to the pan, flipping the burgers as Sam continued.

"The other guy was named Castiel. He came in late, but he was really nice." Dean turned over his shoulder again.

"Castiel, huh? Weird, I just worked on a car for a Castiel today. Must be the same guy, that's not really a common name." Dean shrugged—it could be a small world, sometimes.

"It's an angel name, Dean. All the Novak sons have them—Gabriel, Castiel, Raphael, Michael, Balthazar, and even Lucifer. We didn't meet them all today, but there's a whole lot of them. There's other lawyers working there, too, obviously, but the Novak sons are the main ones. And then their dad runs the whole thing, of course. He's getting kind of old, though, according to Gabriel, so he's grooming Michael to take over since he's the oldest, but Lucifer is kind of mad about it and hates that his dad keeps bringing in interns, so he might be starting his _own_ firm, and…"

Dean smiled to himself as Sam continued to prattle on, telling him details of every single thing he'd done that day. They ate their burgers and Sam helped Dean clean up before they were off to bed with full bellies and smiles on both of their faces. Dean didn't even have the time to think of C. N. and where in the world he might be.

Castiel was annoyed.

He'd hoped that his car would be fixed by the time he got off of work that day, but unfortunately, he was not so lucky. He'd gotten a voicemail from Bobby at the garage that his car wouldn't be finished until the following morning, and he could either pick it up when it was done or whenever he got off of work.

After taking a taxi home to his apartment, he made himself a turkey sandwich, watched the news, and then went off to bed.

He couldn't sleep.

The only thing that Castiel could think about was the fact that Sam Winchester, of all people, was one of the interns this year. He'd thought that Dean was too close for comfort before, and now he was practically right under the man's nose. He'd have to be exceedingly careful, especially since he'd stupidly written that letter to Dean and left his initials. Sure, initials weren't a dead giveaway, but what if Dean had seen him? What if he knew what he looked like—what if _Sam_ did? What if the Winchesters were together right now, figuring out how to find Castiel? The thought of it made his stomach hurt.

Castiel knew that he needed to find out more about Dean Winchester. After work tomorrow, he told himself, he'd have to start researching. He couldn't let Dean get any closer than he already was.


	10. Chapter 10

**As promised, here's a longer and more interesting chapter! I know this one is a bit of a cliffhanger, but I'm planning on writing more this weekend and hopefully having at least one more chapter up by tomorrow night. Enjoy!**

Dean could never decide quite how he felt about winter.

On one hand, more people tended to need work on their cars in the winter. More people couldn't start their cars or slid on ice and hit things or let their batteries die from running the car for the heat in the parking lot while their wives were shopping—the list was endless, and there was always work to be done in the shop. Dean liked being busy, so it was a fun time of year for him. Besides, Christmas bonuses meant that people could get work done on their cars that they couldn't always afford the rest of the year.

On the other hand, no matter how much Dean kept up with his and Sammy's cars, there were times when the cold weather got the better of them—and this morning was one of those times. No matter how hard Sam tried, his car just _would not_ start. He came running into the house, disheveled and screaming for Dean.

Dean came thundering down the steps, thankfully dressed for work. "Sammy? What happened, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice frantic.

"My car won't start, De, and I've gotta be at Novak and Sons in ten minutes or I'm gonna be late, and it's my _second day_ and—"

"Shut up and get in my car," Dean demanded, grabbing his wallet and phone and keys from the table by the door and shoving Sammy out the door ahead of him. "Come on, I'll drive you to work and when I get home today I'll look at your car, okay?"

Sam nodded as they climbed into the car and Dean took off, racing over to the law firm.

He pulled up to the curb out front and Sammy was climbing out of the car before it even stopped. "Thanks, Dean!" he called over his shoulder, closing the door a little too hard.

"Hey, be nice to Baby!" Dean shouted. "And have a good day!"

Sam disappeared into the building and Dean chuckled, shaking his head. He was about to drive away when a taxi pulled up and parked in front of him, someone hastily climbing out of the back seat.

Someone with a shock of messy black hair.

Someone who turned around to pull his briefcase out of the car, the initials C. N. embossed into the black leather.

Someone with bright blue eyes and black stubble and—

His brain shorted out before he could process what was going on, and when he snapped out of it, his soulmate was gone.

Dean drove to work in a daze, his heart and his head spinning. Here he was, thinking he'd never see his soulmate again as long as he lived, and he'd just happened to bump into him getting out of a taxi in front of the building where Sammy's internship was.

Maybe he was a client. Maybe he was one of the lawyers at the firm. Maybe, just _maybe,_ he was one of the Novak sons. He had had a briefcase, which made the lawyer option sound promising. If he was one of the Novaks, though, there was only one he could be. Castiel was the only 'C' name that Sam had provided him with. That would mean that Sammy had _met_ Dean's soulmate. The prospect of it had his heart pounding even faster, and he willed himself to calm down. This was all speculation. All he knew right now was that he'd seen his soulmate again, and that meant that he could find him.

Dean got to work and started right away on Castiel's care, working with even more care than usual just in case the car belonged to his _soulmate._

He spent the entire day trying to figure out what he was going to do when Castiel arrived to pick up his car. Should he introduce himself? Should he use a fake name? C. N. had made it perfectly clear to Dean that he wanted nothing to do with him, but could Dean really waste this opportunity? What if he never saw the man again?

Dean finished the car far too early for his liking, around noon, and he had to busy himself with other projects. He hadn't wanted to finish the car until closer to when Castiel was supposed to come and pick it up so that he could be sure he would be there to hand the keys to him and explain what was wrong. He spent the rest of the afternoon distracted, constantly looking over toward the door, hoping to see his soulmate walk through it.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the door opened and a rush of cold air poured into the shop. Dean looked over his shoulder and his mouth went dry, his heart leaping into his throat—it was _him._

Dean dashed into Bobby's office, grabbing the paperwork and the keys from his desk. "I got it, Bobby," he said, dashing out again before the gruff man could ask him any questions.

Dean approached the man with a warm smile on his face. "Castiel, right?"

The man nodded. _Castiel. Castiel Novak—his soulmate's name._

"I'm, uh. I'm the mechanic that worked on your car. It wasn't anything major, and I'm sorry it ended up taking so long to fix. It should be running perfectly now, though. Uh, if anything else comes up over the next few weeks, just bring it on back and we'll take a look. Sometimes we fix one thing and end up missing another if there's more than one problem."

Castiel was looking up at him with those wide blue eyes, and Dean _swore_ he could feel his knees going weak. _Fuck._ He barely knew the guy and he was already gone, crushing like a teenager. Sure, Castiel was his soulmate, but it was still embarrassing.

"Thank you very much," came that rough, gravelly voice, and Dean bit his lip. That just wasn't fair—it sounded so much better when Castiel was the one talking, not just Dean using his voice. "I appreciate everything, and if I ever need automobile work again, I will be sure to come here. Everyone has been very kind and very informative."

The more Castiel talked, the more Dean wanted him to keep talking. Just as he was deciding whether or not he should reveal who he was, Castiel smiled a dazzling smile up at him.

"Thank you again. I'm afraid I must be going, but I do hope that you have an enjoyable evening." And with that, Castiel was gone, leaving Dean feeling the chill of the air that he'd let into the shop.

Oh, he'd be having _quite_ an enjoyable evening, now.


	11. Chapter 11

"Wait, seriously?"

Sam's eyes went wide as Dean nodded slowly, the two of them sitting across from each other at the table as they ate their dinner.

"Yeah, Sammy, seriously. Castiel is my soulmate. Would I lie to you about something like that?"

"Dean, you gotta let me talk to him for you!" Sammy grinned, sitting upright in his chair. "He's a really nice guy! Maybe I can talk to him about you and convince him to just meet you once and then you'll totally win him over and you'll live happily ever after!"

Dean shook his head. "No, Sam. We're not doing that. He made it perfectly clear that he wants nothing to do with me, so what am I supposed to do? Force him to be in my life? Scare him off? Lose you your internship—the opportunity of a _lifetime,_ according to you? There's no way in hell, Sammy. I just… I just have to let him go. That's all I can do."

Sam looked at his older brother. Dean was always the type of guy who exuded a confidence that he didn't have, who swaggered into a room with a smirk on his face. Now, sitting here, he just looked… sad. Dejected. Lonely, even. He couldn't imagine what his brother was going through. It was one thing to not be able to meet your soulmate because they'd died or something, but this? To be living in the same town, know some of the same people, and _still_ not be able to be together? Sam's own heart ached just thinking about it.

"Okay, Dean," he conceded, not wanting to upset his brother any more than he already had. "Okay. I won't say anything, don't worry. Believe it or not, I can sometimes keep my mouth shut." Dean huffed a laugh at that and at least uncrossed his arms, meeting Sam's eye. "But the second that Castiel ever hints at wanting to meet his soulmate, I'm jumping right on that train."

Dean laughed again, louder this time, and dug into his dinner. "I wouldn't expect any less, Sammy."

Across town, Castiel Novak was anxiously pacing his apartment in his pajamas. What was he supposed to do? Each day spent with Sam Winchester was undoubtedly a day closer to _Dean Winchester_ which was a day closer to disownment, abandonment, and shame. He couldn't even bring himself to research the guy—he didn't want to know about him, didn't want to see his face, _nothing._ Nothing that would make it harder than it already was to keep his distance.

Of course, moving away was… an option. It wasn't a good one, but it was there—if Gabe backed him and one of their older brothers, too, their father might let them open a satellite office in another city (or another state, even!). It would be great for business and he'd be out of the area. No worries. No problems. Except, of course, that he would miss his home and the town he grew up in, and getting his father to agree would be a stretch. It would take more work than it was worth and Dean could always find him in the meantime, if he tried hard enough, and it would all be for nothing.

Maybe he should just find the guy, confront him, _meet him,_ and then the two of them could put everything behind them. They could sit down, have a sincere chat, shake hands, and go their separate ways. That way he wouldn't have to wonder.

The only downside to that plan was that Castiel had heard the stories. Every soulmate retelling story he'd ever heard had the same themes—love at first sight, feeling like the other person was your entire world, looking into a pair of eyes and getting lost for the rest of your life. One look into Dean Winchester's face could seal his fate, and he couldn't bring himself to do it.

He even briefly entertained the idea of a restraining order, but there was no basis for that. Besides, Dean didn't deserve it—he'd never once attempted to contact Castiel except for that first night. _Dean_ hadn't done anything wrong at all. It was just the situation that was wrong. Once again, he felt bad that Dean hadn't been matched up with someone that didn't have so many issues. Someone who could give him everything that he deserved.

Castiel dropped down onto his bed with an exasperated sigh—this was all too much for one night of thinking, and he needed to get some sleep if he was going to be functional in the morning.

In another part of town, a man named Gabriel was texting a man named Sam, who kept glancing at his phone under the dinner table and chuckling to himself.

"What's ticklin' your funny bone over there?" Dean asked curiously, as he began to clear the dishes from the table.

"Oh!" Sam blushed furiously, snapping his head up so fast that his hair flew down in front of his face. "Um, just Gabe—Gabriel. Novak. He, uh, he gave us all his personal number in case we needed anything, but we… talk sometimes. He's funny."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "You know you find out who your soulmate is in less than a year, right?" he reminded Sam, who looked down and bit his lip. "I'm not saying don't have fun, I'm just saying… don't get too attached, okay? He could meet his soulmate and not choose you, even if you choose him over yours, which almost never happens." Sam nodded, dejected. Dean clapped him on the shoulder.

"Chin up, Sammy. Whoever your soulmate is, they're gonna be _awesome._ " Dean put the dishes in the dishwasher and started the load, turning off the light in the kitchen when he was done. "Now, come on, get up to bed. You've got work tomorrow!"


	12. Chapter 12

**A more exciting chapter! Another chapter (part two of this one, really) will be up tonight as well. Please let me know how you guys are liking this story! I love reading your reviews!**

"So it's a date?" Gabriel sidled up to Sam once the other interns dispersed for the day, picking up their earlier conversation where they'd decided that going out to have a few drinks might be nice.

Sam blushed, letting his hair fall in front of his face, but still nodded. "But won't we get in trouble?" he murmured, making Gabe laugh loudly.

"Nah, I have an idea. See, I'll bring my big brother, and you can bring a friend or whatever, and it'll just be like a group of friends hanging out. It's brilliant." Sam smiled at that.

"Oh, you're bringing Castiel? This sounds like fun! I'm sure I can find someone to bring along, but I've got to go and get him. Meet you at the bar?"

Gabe nodded, winked at Sam, and walked away.

"This might be the most stupid plan you've ever had, Samuel."

Dean stood in front of his mirror, pouting at his reflection. He was wearing a pair of his tighter, dark jeans, a black tee shirt, and a sage green button-down overtop with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Despite Sam's protests, he'd insisted on wearing his boots.

"It's the best idea I've ever had. Now, turn around and let me look at you." Dean grumbled but obliged, turning to face his brother. "You look great! Look—the best way to get over someone is to get back out there! Gabe and I want to go out but we want it to seem like a more casual thing because he's kind of my boss, so… he's bringing a friend and I'm bringing a friend. And you're my best friend, De."

Dean rolled his eyes but couldn't help the slight smile on his lips. Damn it, Sammy had won. "Do you know who he's bringing?" he asked, but Sam shook his head.

"But we're gonna have a fun time, I promise. I'm sure Gabe knows lots of attractive available guys, Dean. Just… finish doing your hair so we can go. I'll meet you in the car. We're meeting them at the bar in like twenty minutes."

Dean huffed, but quickly finished his hair, jumped in the Impala, and off they went.

By the time they arrived at the bar, Dean had begun to relax a little. Even if he didn't get laid tonight, he'd at least get to unwind and get drunk and figure out if this Gabe guy was good for Sammy. It would be a productive night one way or another, and he went into the bar with his head held high.

That was, until he stopped dead three steps inside the doorway, his breath catching in his throat.

Seated in a booth across from a short sandy-haired man sat Castiel Novak. _Fuck._ The friend that Gabe had brought was his _brother._ How exactly was Dean supposed to play this one? The thing that pissed him off even more was that Sammy didn't seem the least bit surprised as the two of them walked toward the table. Gabe and Castiel both stood to greet them.

"Sam!" Gabe greeted loudly, clapping him on the shoulder. "And this must be your friend…?"

"Oh, his name's—"

"Benny, correct?" Castiel offered, smiling warmly and offering his hand. "I believe that you are the mechanic who fixed my car for me a few weeks ago. Thank you again for that, by the way. It has worked perfectly ever since."

Dean could see Sam's face out of the corner of his eye, but he decided to ignore him. "Yeah, Castiel, good to see you again. And you must be Gabe, right? Sam's told me a lot about you." He shook Gabe's hand and the four of them sat in the booth—Sam and Gabe on one side and Dean and Castiel on the other.

Once they placed their orders—burgers and fries for Castiel and Dean, a salad for Sammy, and just a large slice of chocolate cake for Gabe—Sam kicked his brother under the table.

"Uh, Benny? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Sam cast an apologetic look at Gabe, who only smiled brightly and made Sam blush again. "We'll, uh, be right back."

Sam grabbed Dean by the wrist and dragged him into the parking lot, where both of their expressions turned to annoyance.

"Sam, what the hell? Was this an ambush or some shit?" Dean asked, crossing his arms.

"Why are you telling people you're Benny? I think that's a better question. And does Benny know you're doing that?"

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face. "I must've picked up Benny's shirt by accident that day, the one with his name on it. I thought it was mine. But at least he doesn't _know_ me! Sam, what were you thinking?"

"He's your soulmate, Dean, I just… I thought if we did some casual thing it wouldn't be a big deal and then maybe you guys could just talk or something."

"He doesn't _want_ to talk to me, Sam, remember? He doesn't want to! He wants me to stay away from him, and I have to respect his wishes!"

"I just wanted you to be happy, Dean," Sam said, his voice smaller now, and Dean could feel the anger draining out of him as he pulled his little brother into a hug.

"It's okay, Sammy. I know. At least he doesn't know who I really am. I'll get to spend a little time with him and then it'll be over and we can go back to normal, okay?"

Sam nodded, and Dean tousled his hair. "Now, come on, I've got a burger to eat."


	13. Chapter 13

**I KNOW. I KNOW. THIS CLIFFHANGER IS MEAN AND TERRIBLE. I might have to get another chapter up tonight to make up for it because I hate the cliffhangers just as much as you guys do!**

The pair of them came back inside and joined the table, and Dean didn't miss the way Gabe looked up at Sam. He actually kind of _appreciated_ the way that Gabe looked at Sam. They were the same age, but Sam was quite a bit taller than Gabe and so he had to tilt his neck quite far to look at Sam's face, especially when Gabe was sitting down. But Gabe looked at Sammy like he was a dream he didn't want to wake from, and Dean found he approved—of that part, anyway.

Dean offered a smile to Castiel, who politely returned it. "Our cheeseburgers have arrived," Castiel said, picking his up and taking a bite, sighing softly with pleasure when the flavors hit his mouth. _Fuck._ Dean hadn't been expecting that and thankfully hadn't picked his burger up very far, as it fell from his hands right back onto his plate.

He picked it up again and took a bite—they were really good, actually. "Are cheeseburgers your favorite food, then?" Dean asked, watching Castiel eat his food almost pornographically.

Castiel nodded enthusiastically. "These make me very happy." Dean chuckled.

"Yeah, man, me too. Sammy over here only eats rabbit food." Sam looked up from his salad and glared at Dean, which only made him laugh harder.

"Are you two close friends?" Castiel asked, cocking his head to one side. "You seem very comfortable with one each other. How long have you known each other?"

"Oh, since we were kids," Dean interjected easily. "We're really close. Our families spent a lot of time together and stuff." Castiel seemed satisfied with that answer, and Dean smiled, relieved. One tiny slipup could blow his cover and destroy everything, and he wasn't willing to take that chance.

After dinner, Gabriel threw his arm around Sam's shoulders as best he could, grinning at the other two. "Well, now, it looks like Sammy and I are calling it a night. Benny, you mind taking Castiel home? I'll take care of getting Sam where he needs to go." Sammy blushed furiously and Gabe winked.

Under the table, Dean's fists clenched, but he couldn't react. Gabe didn't know that he was really Sam's brother, and regular friends didn't react that way. Instead, he grit his teeth and grinned at the shorter man, nodding his head. "'Course, man. Thanks for a good time. Sam, don't do anything I wouldn't do." He finished it off with a wink, getting a laugh from Gabriel as the four of them stood up from the table. Sam and Gabe disappeared out the front door, which left Dean and Castiel standing together.

"Let's, uh, let's get out of here," he said, smiling, and Castiel nodded. They exited the restaurant, putting on their coats in the process, and stepped out into the cold night air.

Dean's brain was shorting out again, looking at Castiel standing here in front of him. They were alone, no one around, and he looked so damn _beautiful_ that Dean almost kissed him right then and there. It took most of his self control to focus on what the guy was saying, which— _fuck._

"Sorry, Cas, could you repeat that?" he asked, laughing, his breath coming out in white puffs of air.

Castiel raised an eyebrow. "Cas?"

"Oh, come on, you can't tell me no one's ever called you _Cas_ before. Castiel is such a mouthful. It's like, the coolest name I've ever heard, but it's a mouthful."

Castiel chuckled at that, shaking his head. "Some of my brothers call me Cassie from time to time, but no one has ever called me Cas before. I quite like it. Thank you, Benny."

Dean beamed, even though he wished that Cas would say his real name.

"So. What do you want to do next?" Cas asked suddenly, stretching his arms out to his sides. "We can do anything we want! The night is young, I'm not yet tired, and we somehow managed to get rid of Gabriel. It's not often that I find myself with a night to just… have fun. So what do you suggest?"

That had Dean grinning even wider—Cas wasn't ready to go home, not yet, and that meant that he could spend even more time with him, even if it meant lying. "There's a bunch of stuff we could do. We could get ice cream, which is surprisingly good when it's this cold out. Or, you know, we could get hot chocolate. We could go to the park with our ice cream or hot chocolate and just sort of walk around, watch the snow fall."

Cas was looking up at him with those wide blue eyes and the stubble that made Dean just want to run his thumbs over the other man's face. "Yes, Benny, I think I would like that."

Dean smiled again, leading Cas to the car and opening the passenger side door for him. "Well, then, that's what we're going to do."

They pulled up to the park with their full, steaming travel mugs of hot chocolate and both got out of the car, walking close together as they headed for the path that wound through the park. They sipped at their drinks and talked and laughed, Dean talking mainly about the garage and Castiel talking mostly about the firm. Still, talking to Castiel was easy. The conversation flowed naturally despite Dean's overwhelming nerves about this whole situation.

They reached the middle of the park where the shut-off water fountain stood, slightly eerie in the winter evening with no water in it. There was too much stillness here, and Dean looked from the fountain over to Castiel.

He was standing beneath a light, the beam showing the snow falling into his shaggy black hair. His nose and cheeks were pink and he was smiling, shivering, and holding his cup with both hands in an attempt to keep warm.

Dean approached him, _actually_ speechless.

"Thank you for bringing me here, Benny. I have not been to this park since my mother passed away when I was a child. It brings back many happy memories." Cas turned to look up at Dean, smiling and breathless, and Dean decided that he'd never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

Dean took Castiel's hot chocolate from him gingerly despite the confused look on the other man's face. "I'm glad you like it, Cas," he whispered, leaning in and pressing their lips together softly.


	14. Chapter 14

It had been three weeks since the Fountain Incident, as Sammy had taken to calling it.

Dean still couldn't believe he'd been such an idiot. He _knew_ that Castiel couldn't be in a relationship with a man, soulmate or not, so why would he even try while pretending to be someone that _wasn't_ his soulmate? He'd just gotten so caught up in the moment with the snow and the dark and being close to Cas—shit, he was sure he'd heard that stupid crab from that mermaid movie singing to him from a boat floating around the fountain.

Cas had even melted into him for a minute and sent his heart _soaring—_ having his soulmate kissing him was probably one of the top five best experiences of his life. But then, as soon as it had begun, it had ended. Castiel had pulled away almost _violently,_ running through the park and yelling something about a taxi over his shoulder.

Just like that, Dean was standing alone in the park at night. He'd taken his time walking back to the Impala and gone home to find that Sammy wasn't there. He checked his phone and read a text from Sam that said he'd be staying overnight at Gabe's. Well, wasn't that just peachy?

Dean had gotten quite drunk that night. So drunk, in fact, that he'd had to call out sick from work the next day.

Now, three weeks later, Dean had entered the phase of stubbornly refusing to talk about any of it. Any time Sam tried to approach him about what happened, he totally shut down and went to find something else to do. There were bags under his eyes and his mouth seemed to be stuck in a permanent frown, and Sam was worried about him.

One morning, Sam caught Dean in the kitchen before work. "Dean, please just listen to me."

Dean grunted and turned away, clearly uninterested, but he persisted.

"You don't even have to say anything, okay? Just listen to me. I'm really sorry for what happened. I never should have tricked you into coming out with Castiel. I didn't realize it would be that big of a disaster—I just thought it would give you a chance to see how well you guys got along and stuff, or that it'd give you some kind of closure or something maybe? I'm not really sure. Look, De, all I want is for you to be happy, and I'm so sorry that I screwed it all up." Sam took a breath, but there was still silence. "Dean, _say something!_ "

Dean looked up with a little smirk. "You said I didn't have to say anything, Sammy," he joked. "And anyway, I don't blame you. It's my fault that I kissed him and scared him away. Everything was going great until then, and now I'll probably never see him again. He'll be avoiding me _and_ Benny, not that I'm sure Benny much cares."

Sam laughed. "See? That's the spirit. It'll be okay, De. Love does exist outside of soulmates, you know."

Dean nodded slowly. "Yeah, Sammy, I know." Although he had a suspicion that Sam's words were more about himself than about Dean, he let it go. He didn't want Sam's heart to get broken, but he also wanted him to be happy.

"Now come on, let's get you and me both to work, huh?"

Castiel got home from work that day completely and totally exhausted. The past three weeks had been nothing but a nightmare. Now, not only did he have his soulmate wanting his attention, he _also_ had Benny. They'd just met and while yes, Castiel had felt a connection to him, he had his rules for a reason. There was no way he could risk being caught in a homosexual relationship. Gabe was good at hiding things like that—he'd slept with plenty of men and the entire family was none the wiser. Castiel wasn't sure that he could pull off something like that, but maybe with Gabe's help…

His soulmate was out of the picture, there was no question. But maybe Cas could just sort of… casually date Benny, like Gabe did with guys. That way he could walk away when he needed to, no hard feelings.

Castiel's lips still burned when he thought of that searing chocolate kiss that they'd shared under that streetlight in the snow. It was like something out of a romantic comedy movie, and now Castiel could understand the appeal. He'd been elated, felt like he was _flying._ Yes, he decided, he wanted to see Benny again, but it was going to have to be with Gabe's help. It would work out nicely—Gabe wanted to continue to see Sam, too, and so they both had their secrets that they could help each other with.

Castiel climbed into bed with a grin on his face for the first time since he'd been visited by Dean Winchester. Maybe, just maybe, he could really put all of this behind him once and for all.

Before drifting off, Castiel decided to text Gabe right away. " _Gabriel, I need your help. I would like to continue to see Benny, if you would be willing to help me figure out a way to do so."_

Just as he was being pulled down into sleep, the phone chimed. Castiel cracked one eye and then laid back down, closing his eyes and smiling. "Sure thing, big brother," he repeated, before falling into a deep sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey guys! I'm so sorry that it's been so long since I uploaded, I haven't been feeling well. Here's this chapter, and hopefully I'll get another one up tonight! Thank you all so much for your reviews, they're what really motivate me to keep writing this story!**

"Dean, you are not going to believe this."

Sam came running into the kitchen, a grin on his face and his eyes sparkling. "What's up, Sammy?" Dean asked over his shoulder, stirring the chili that he'd put on the stove. "Some crazy lawyer stuff happening at work, or what?"

Sam shook his head. "No! Dean, _listen to me._ Cas wants to see Benny again."

The spoon that Dean had been using to stir fell from his hand and landed with a clatter against the glass stovetop. He spun on his heel to look his little brother in the face. "What?"

"Gabe came and found me today and said that Cas wants to keep hanging out with my friend Benny and that maybe we could make it, like, a group hangout thing or whatever. Just so nobody catches on because of their family's whole homophobia thing. It'll just be like a bunch of dudes who are friends hanging out, but if Cas wants to see _Benny_ again then that means he wants to see _you_ again, De! This is your chance to really win him over."

Dean was grinning from ear to ear, the stovetop forgotten. "Dude, this is probably the best news I've heard all year. What's the plan? When can I see him again?"

Sam grinned even wider, if it was possible. "Tomorrow night, we're all going to the movies and dinner afterwards. Apparently, Cas doesn't want to wait any longer to see you—he feels really bad about running away from you in the park, Gabe said. He just kind of freaked out, but apparently you did something that stuck with him because he wants to keep seeing you. They do say that soulmates often fall in love at first sight, you know."

Dean laughed. "This is fuckin' incredible, Sammy. You gotta help me figure out what to wear. I want to impress him or whatever. Plus, we have to work on our Benny details so our stories match up."

Now, Sam was laughing, too. "Yeah, De, we'll get you a whole backstory. But eventually you know you're gonna have to tell him who you are, right? You can't pretend to be Benny forever."

"I know," Dean said, less enthusiastic now. "I just… I want to enjoy this while I can. Once he finds out who I am he might not want to be around me anymore. Just… let me see if this is gonna go anywhere first. If it is, then I'll tell him. I promise."

Sam shook his head. "If you say so, Dean. I just think the longer you wait the worse it's gonna be, you know? But I won't blow your cover. You know I've got your back."

Dean smiled appreciatively. "Thanks, Sammy. Now, are you ready for dinner? I think the chili's done."

The next night had the Winchesters meeting up with the Novaks at the movie theater, ready to watch some comedy movie that had just come out. To be honest, Dean didn't even really care about the movie. All he cared about was getting to spend more time with Castiel. His heart was pounding the entire drive, Sam teasing him playfully about his nerves.

"At least you look good, De," he said reassuringly. Dean snorted, but the comment actually did ease his nerves just a little bit. Obviously, Cas was attracted to him—that was a good start. Sure, he thought that Dean was someone else, but it could have been worse. This way he got to spend time with Cas, see whether it was possible for them to be together, and then he could reveal who he was and they'd live happily ever after. It was a foolproof plan, and yet… Dean's palms were still sweating, sliding against the steering wheel as he drove toward the theater.

They pulled into the parking lot and Dean's heart was beating a mile a minute— _damn_ it, he felt like a little kid with a crush all over again. Last time, he hadn't had this time to be nervous and overthink everything because he hadn't even known that he was meeting up with Cas, but this time was different. This time he knew and he'd run every possible outcome in his head about a thousand times over the past two days. Now they were here, they were getting out of the car and walking toward the theater, and Dean hastily rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans. He could do this—and it seemed that Sam was thinking the same thing, shooting him a reassuring look as they entered the theater.

Cas and Gabe were standing by the snack counter, Gabe's arms full of every kind of candy imaginable and Cas holding a bag of popcorn. Dean's mouth went dry at the sight of him and he cursed himself for it, smiling despite himself as they approached and Castiel's face lit up just a little. It boosted Dean's confidence enough that his smile wasn't forced. "Hey, Cas," he greeted, and Castiel returned his smile.

"Hello, Benny," he replied, and Dean's heart sank just a little. All he wanted was to hear Castiel call him by his own name, but it was still too risky. Cas was a flight risk, and he _needed_ to see if this was going to go somewhere before he ran the other man off. "It's good to see you again. I must apologize for the way I behaved when we last met. I admit I was… overwhelmed."

Dean chuckled, feeling his cheeks flush. "Oh! Uh, no worries—I totally get it. But… it's good to see you again, too." That had Cas smiling again, and _fuck,_ Dean could look at that smile for the rest of his life.

"Hey you two!" Gabe shouted around a mouthful of gummy bears, his free arm snaked around Sam's waist. "Are you two gonna stand there whispering sweet nothings all night, or are we gonna go see this movie?"

That had them both blushing, and the four of them headed into the theater.

Somehow, they ended up sitting so that Sam was next to Gabe, who was next to Cas, who was next to Dean. That meant that the only person he was sitting near was Cas, which wouldn't have been a problem except that he knew he'd never be able to watch the movie if Castiel's reactions to the previews were anything to go by.

Castiel was enraptured by the screen, even the previews drawing animated reactions out of him. He tensed at the suspenseful ones, laughed at the comedic ones, looked distraught at the heartbreaking ones, and Dean knew that he'd have to have Sam give him a recap of the movie on the way to dinner so he didn't sound like a complete idiot.

The movie began, and Dean was _lost._


	16. Chapter 16

A few hours later the four of them were tucked into a booth in a low-lit restaurant, drinking beers and laughing about the movie they'd just seen. Dean was sitting so close to Castiel that they were almost always touching, their elbows and knees brushing together and Cas leaning against Dean as he laughed—a low, rich, _genuine_ laugh that had shivers dancing up and down Dean's spine over and over again.

Luckily, Sam had been forthcoming with information about the movie, even playing audio clips for Dean in the car on the way to the restaurant so that he'd be able to appreciate Gabe's impression of the main character. There was a large plate of appetizers in the middle of the table, the alcohol was flowing, and Dean hadn't felt this stupidly happy in a very, very long time. He kept sneaking glances at Castiel and once, caught Cas doing the same thing—they both blushed furiously and averted their eyes, but it wasn't missed by Gabe and Sam, who were curled into each other like soulmates might be.

 _That_ image made Dean's heart ache for more than one reason. The first was that he longed to be curled up like that with Castiel, to tell him who he was and be able to snake his arms around the other man's waist and whisper in his ear and sneak kisses when they thought no one was looking. The second, though, was that Sam and Gabe hadn't discovered their soulmates yet, and he couldn't bear the thought of them dealing with that reality. Still, Sam looked so happy that he couldn't bring himself to say anything more about it. He'd let his little brother have his fun and then cry on his shoulder when Gabe went off to be with his soulmate.

After some time at the restaurant, Sam and Gabe mumbled a few excuses and left the restaurant together, leaving Dean and Cas once again to fend for themselves. Dean led Cas into the parking lot, lacing their fingers together and keeping the other man close in the cold night air. "Can we go somewhere?" he asked, his voice low like a whisper. "Anywhere. I just… I don't want this night to be over yet."

Castiel laughed. "This is feeling very familiar," he teased. "But I do promise not to run away from you this time."

That had Dean laughing, too, half from relief. "That's good, Cas. That's real good. Should we try the park again? See if we can't make a better memory than last time?"

Cas smiled that stupid, _dazzling_ smile again, and they were off.

The two of them were perched on the edge of the fountain, sipping their hot chocolate, pressed against each other closely enough that Dean could feel Castiel's body heat radiating off of him. It was intoxicating—or maybe that was all the beer—and Dean felt almost giddy.

"Benny," Castiel's low voice spoke softly, and broke the spell over Dean just a little. It was almost like he kept forgetting about the whole _Benny_ thing. "Why aren't you with your soulmate? If you don't mind me asking, of course—I wouldn't want to pry."

Dean looked down at his cup, watching the steam escape through the small hole in the lid. "It's really complicated," he admitted with a little shrug. "There are… extenuating circumstances that are keeping us apart, and it's not something that's ever gonna change, probably. It's not his fault and it's not my fault, and there's not really much that either of us can do about it, so I'm… resigned, I guess?"

Cas gave him a sympathetic look, leaning his shoulder further into Dean's. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I'm in a similar situation, actually. I don't know much about my soulmate at all apart from a few details like his name and such. I… have to keep away from him, and it's not his fault. My family would never approve of my soulmate being a man, and I just… with my job and how close I am with Gabriel… I couldn't risk it. I would lose _everything._ This… what we're doing, it's safer. I quite like spending time with you, though, Benny."

Dean smiled warmly, wrapping his arm around Castiel and tugging him even closer. "I like spending time with you, too, Cas," he murmured, which had Cas smiling, too.

"That's very good," he replied, and then his mouth was on Dean's, kissing him _very_ insistently.

Dean about dropped his hot chocolate, holding onto his bearings just enough to set it on the edge of the fountain before burying his now-free hand into Castiel's soft, tousled hair, angling his head so that he could dip his tongue into the other man's mouth.

Castiel was hot and pliant against him, kissing him back eagerly and curling his hands into Dean's lapels, shuddering as Dean's tongue skittered across the roof of his mouth. Dean's arm tightened around Castiel's waist as they explored each other, their kisses frantic and desperate. Cas's lithe body arched against Dean in the _hottest_ way and it had Dean's head spinning—or maybe that was the lack of oxygen—and he pulled back, both of them wide-eyed and panting.

"That was much better than last time," Dean found himself saying, and Castiel nodded his agreement, lips pink and swollen from Dean's kisses.

"May I kiss you again?" Cas breathed, and Dean laughed before pulling him in for another, taking both of their breath away.

Dean walked Castiel to his door, something that was giving him the most _wicked_ déjà vu. He'd never been outside of Castiel's apartment but he'd certainly been inside it, and he was trying his hardest not to let on. It was _much_ easier to pretend when Cas leaned back against his closed door, yanking Dean in by his lapels and crushing their lips together again.

Dean figured he could get used to this.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys! Please note the rating change-this story is now rated M. There isn't smut in this chapter (sorry, that's later!) but it gets heated enough that I thought a rating change was necessary. I hope you guys like this chapter!**

It had been _weeks_ since he and Castiel had really been dating, and Dean was pretty much constantly walking on air. Maybe this was what it was like to have your soulmate love you back, he thought—everything seemed brighter, work seemed easier, even Bobby seemed to be smiling more. Dean woke up in the mornings with a smile on his face, drove to work singing along loudly to his favorite music, did his work with a bounce in his step, came home and had dinner with Sammy, and then he'd see Cas a few nights a week—usually when Sam was seeing Gabe, which had him in a good mood, too.

Yup, everything was coming up Dean.

This particular Saturday night found them in Castiel's apartment—they always went to Castiel's, Dean claiming that his place was too small or being painted or _anything_ to keep Cas from coming over and figuring out that it was where he'd gone on his visit.

They were curled up on the couch, a movie that Castiel had picked out playing on the television—not that anyone was watching it, of course. They were far too wrapped up in each other to notice the scenes playing out before them.

Dean was sitting on the couch, one leg up on the cushions and Castiel nestled between them, lounging comfortably on Dean's chest. Dean was running his fingers through Cas's hair and Castiel's eyes were closed, little contented sighs blowing past his lips every few minutes.

Just having Cas close to him like this had Dean's heart swelling in his chest. He was _fucked—_ he'd fallen head over heels for Castiel whether he'd wanted to or not, and it had happened faster than he'd anticipated. In fact, he'd planned on coming clean and telling Castiel who he was by now, but he couldn't bring himself to do it despite Sam's constant badgering. He _knew_ what he was doing was wrong, but what was he supposed to do? Telling Cas now would only hurt both of them, and yet… he knew he needed to do it eventually, and sooner rather than later. It wasn't like he could wait until they moved in together or got married or—

Dean cut that train of thought off right there. Whether he was Benny or whether he was Dean, he'd never be able to marry Cas or even move in with him. Not when he was so closely under his family's watch. That was the problem in the first place. No matter how close they got or how much they cared about each other, they could never _really_ be together, and the thought of it made his heart ache so violently and so suddenly that he shivered.

Cas noticed and tilted his head to look up at Dean, his big blue eyes blinking sleepily at him. "Are you all right, Benny?" he asked, his voice rough and deep, and Dean gave him a reassuring smile.

"Just peachy, Cas. Don't you worry about me," he replied, and Castiel smirked up at him.

"Are you sure? Because I can think of a few ways to make you feel better." Cas stretched a little, maneuvering his body and Dean's just a little so that he was straddling the other man's lap, their chests pressed tightly together. Dean's hands went to his hips, gripping them gently, and Cas smirked again before leaning in, catching Dean's bottom lip between his teeth.

Dean groaned, shivering much harder this time, and Castiel just chuckled deeply. Dean's hands were on the move, gripping Castiel's hips tight and then running up his back under his t-shirt, his palms smoothing over warm flesh as Castiel explored his mouth, making him arch and sigh and moan again and again. He kissed back as best he could, curling his tongue around the other man's and dragging his nails down Castiel's back lightly, making him shiver too—and boosting Dean's confidence.

Cas detached from Dean's mouth but not from his skin, trailing kisses down his jaw to his neck, making Dean tilt his head back to give the other man the access he needed. Dean's hands were back on Castiel's hips, his thumbs tracing circles on the protruding bones there through the fabric of his sweatpants.

Dean could feel his erection growing as Castiel's lips and teeth trailed little marks down his neck, and it was taking _all_ of his self-control not to buck his hips up and pull Cas down and get the friction he was craving. Still, though, Castiel continued his journey, nipping little bites all along Dean's collarbones.

" _Fuck,_ Cas," Dean gasped, making Castiel chuckle against his skin and then sit up just a little so their eyes could meet.

They sat like that for just a moment before Cas leaned down again, but this time Dean was ready for him and swept his tongue past Castiel's lips before he had a chance to take control. Lips and tongues and teeth clashed for dominance but Dean won in the end, Castiel a quivering mess above him. Dean's hands left the other man's hips, one knotting into his hair and the other running up his back.

As soon as Castiel realized that his hips were free, he began to _move_ in a way that had Dean breaking their kiss with a loud groan. Cas ground his hips down onto Dean's, their erections pressing together deliciously and fulfilling fantasies that Dean had had ever since he'd seen Castiel's face in the mirror.

They continued on like that for what seemed like both a second and an eternity, their bodies moving together like they were made to do just that. The little whimpers and moans that were coming from Castiel were only fueling Dean on, and he found himself so lost in the other man that he didn't think he'd ever come out of it.

Dean gripped Castiel's hips again, tighter this time, and pulled Cas down at the same time he bucked his hips up, tearing a moan from Castiel's lips.

"Ah! _Benny,_ " he sighed against Dean's neck, and _instantly_ Dean stilled.

This wasn't right. He couldn't do this, not while he was lying to Castiel about who he was. As much as he wanted to continue—and _oh,_ did he want to—he couldn't.

"We should probably stop," Dean breathed, no matter how hard the words were for him to say. Cas opened his eyes and met Dean's gaze, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"But I thought—" he started, but Dean cut him off.

"Not yet," he said, a small smile on his lips. Dean rubbed Cas's hipbones fondly and leaned up to give him a little, chaste kiss. "Just… I want everything to be right."

Castiel smiled sheepishly, carefully climbing off of Dean, who stood up as well. "You're right," Cas agreed, blushing. "I'm sorry—I believe I got carried away."

Dean laughed. "You and me both, Cas, trust me. I just… you're special. You're important to me. I want things to be right when we sleep together for the first time." He reached up and cupped Castiel's cheek in his hand, leaning in to kiss him again. "I should go."

Cas nodded. "Good night, Benny."

"Night, Cas." And after one more kiss, Dean was gone.

He sat in his car in the parking lot of Castiel's apartment complex for half an hour, trying to both calm himself down and convince himself that it was about time that he told Castiel who he really was.


	18. Chapter 18

**This chapter ends on a bit of a cliffhanger, I'm sorry! I know you guys hate those and I do, too. I'll try to get at least one or two more chapters up this weekend!**

"I have to tell him, Sammy."

Sam stopped eating his cereal, setting his spoon down in his bowl and looking across the table at Dean. "What happened last night?" he asked, his brow furrowed with concern. "Is everything okay? I mean, I agree with you, but something had to have happened for you to change your mind like this, because we _both_ know how stubborn you can be and—"

"Jesus, Sam, okay," Dean said, cutting him off. "I just—we were, you know. Kissing, and… stuff, and he called me Benny, and I just… I can't keep lying to him. I think I love him, and I can't keep doing this to him. He has to know the truth. Even if… even if it means I lose him, because let's be real, Sammy. I'm never really going to have him, anyway. Even as Benny, it's not like we can ever _really_ be together. We can't move in together or get married or any of that no matter who I am, so what does it matter? It's gone on too long and I can't do this anymore."

Sam nodded thoughtfully. "You can tell him tomorrow," he offered. "Come see him on your lunch break, at the office. Take him out to lunch and you can talk. That way if it goes bad you can come back and we can go get drunk or something."

Dean smiled fondly. "Thanks, Sam. I think I'll do that. It'll be a surprise—I'll come to the office and pick him up and take him to that Italian place we went to that night we went to the movies. That way if it goes well we can go to the park again. It's kind of becoming a tradition." He laughed nervously. "It's getting warmer out now, the fountain should even be on."

"You can do this, Dean," Sam assured him with a smile. "You _have_ to."

Sam's reassurance had worn off by lunchtime on Monday, when Dean was frantically cleaning his hands in the sink and running a few minutes behind where he'd wanted to be. Scrubbing grease off of his fingers was something that he was used to, but it took _forever_ and he didn't have time for this. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, his hands were respectably clean and he was off, tossing his work shirt in the back seat of the Impala and speeding toward the law firm.

Just minutes after Dean had left the lot, a familiar car pulled up to the garage. Castiel stepped out of his car, smiling excitedly. After Saturday night's fiasco, he wanted Benny to know that he wasn't upset and that he appreciated that he wanted to wait. Cas figured he'd surprise the other man with a lunch invitation—mostly it was an excuse to spend time with the man that he'd grown so fond of so quickly.

Castiel entered the garage, his eyes scanning for Benny, but Bobby greeted him before he'd had a chance to really look.

"Hey there, Castiel," Bobby said gruffly. "Car troubles again?"

Cas shook his head, smiling. "Um, no, actually. I'm, uh. I'm looking for Benny?"

Bobby raised an eyebrow. "Uh, sure, okay. I'll send him out for ya."

Cas smiled as Bobby retreated into the office, his heart pounding in anticipation of surprising Benny, when someone he didn't recognize came through the door and walked toward him.

He glanced at the nametag sewn onto the man's shirt. _Benny._

"Hey there, Benny Lafitte," the man greeted with a thick Southern accent, offering a hand which Castiel shook, his shock registering on his face. "What can I do for ya?"

"Benny?" Castiel asked, his voice small, and Benny nodded. "You're Benny?"

Benny nodded again, a concerned look on his face. "Is everything okay?"

Cas felt tears springing to his eyes—whoever he'd been spending time with had been _lying_ to him. "I, uh," he stammered, swallowing thickly. "I'm sorry, I've made a mistake. Can you… can you tell me who fixed my car? I just wanted to… thank him, and I thought he was you."

"Oh! Sure thing. His name is Dean Winchester."

Castiel _felt_ the air being punched out of his lungs. _Dean Winchester._ His _soulmate._ He felt dizzy, he felt sick, he felt like he was going to cry and vomit and all he wanted to do was _run._ So that was what he did.

Dean came back to the garage a little dejected—Castiel had gone out for lunch without him, which he supposed was his own fault for running late.

As he walked in the door, Benny came running over with a grin on his face. "Hey, man, been lookin' for ya," he said. "There was a customer in here earlier, you fixed his car a couple months ago? He asked for me but he was lookin' for you—musta' been wearin' my shirt that day. Anyway, I set him straight, gave him your name. He was lookin' to thank you, you musta' done a mighty good job."

Dean's blood ran cold and the color drained out of his face as Benny spoke. "Wait, you _what?"_

Benny furrowed his brow. "I set him straight, gave him your name. Bobby said his name was Castiel. He'll be lookin' to thank you."

" _Fuck._ Benny, tell Bobby I went home sick after lunch—I've gotta go."

"Uh, sure thing, man."

Dean didn't even stay to see the look on Benny's face. He _had_ to get back to Novak and Sons, and he had to get there _now._


	19. Chapter 19

**...have I mentioned that I hate cliffhangers? Because I hate cliffhangers. Here's the next chapter.**

Castiel hadn't been at Novak and Sons.

Dean had frantically relayed the story to Sam when he realized that Cas wasn't there, quickly filling him in on the situation and then running off again, leaving Sam to process what was going on alone.

Well, not alone. Gabriel sidled up to him and Sam felt himself smile, but they kept a professional distance. "Is everything okay with Benny?" he asked, concerned, and Sam's face fell.

"Gabe… I have something to tell you. Can we go somewhere?"

A little over an hour later, Sam was sitting across from a wide-eyed Gabriel at a coffee shop a few doors down from the law firm, each of them sipping an iced coffee. Well, if you could call what Gabe was drinking a coffee—it had so much chocolate and sugar and whipped cream in it that it made Sam's teeth ache just looking at it, but he could bet that Gabe's tongue tasted like chocolate and—

Sam snapped himself out of it, meeting Gabriel's wide gaze.

"You lied to me," Gabe murmured, and Sam hung his head.

"I know. I know I did, and I'm _so_ sorry—I didn't want to lie to you, trust me, but Dean needed my help and—"

"Is that the only reason you're spending time with me?" Gabe asked, his voice still soft, and Sam snapped his head up.

" _No!_ Fuck, no, Gabe, I _really_ like you. I just… when you told me you were bringing Cas to hang out I had to bring Dean, just to see whether they had any chemistry and then the Benny thing just kind of… happened, and I couldn't blow Dean's cover. I'm so, _so_ sorry. I understand if… if you don't want to see me anymore, or…" Sam could feel a lump growing in his throat at the thought, but he'd accept it if Gabe hated him now. Hell, he _deserved_ it.

Sam averted his eyes, unable to keep looking at Gabriel, when he felt one warm hand close over his own. He looked back up to see Gabe smiling softly at him. "Of course I still want to see you, you dumb Sasquatch," he said, making Sam chuckle thickly. "This is just a lot to process. I've gotta talk to Cas and see if he's okay, and I'm guessing you need to go talk to Dean. But… Sam, if they're really soulmates, we have to do something about this. They _belong_ together. I mean, you can tell that just by looking at them. We can fix this if we work together, you know?"

Sam couldn't help but smile at the man sitting in front of him. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Gabe," he said, and Gabriel laughed.

"You'd be bored, that's for sure." And Sam laughed, too, and leaned over the table to kiss him.

Dean was locked in his bedroom by the time Sam got home, buried deep under his comforter and trying to block out everything. Cas hadn't been anywhere he'd looked—the park, the garage, even his apartment. His car wasn't there and Dean had banged and knocked on the door to the apartment until one of Castiel's neighbors came out to shout at him.

He didn't know where else to look. He didn't know what else to do. He'd waited too long and royally fucked things up and now he'd lost Castiel without even getting a chance to explain himself. This was the worst possible scenario and Dean couldn't deal with it. He'd come home, polished off most of a bottle of whiskey, and locked himself in his bedroom hoping to pass out so he didn't have to think about any of this.

Unfortunately for him, he was very much conscious.

Sam was pounding on his bedroom door, but Dean blocked him out and didn't answer him.

"Come on, Dean, we have to talk about this!" Sam shouted, his words punctuated with pounds of his fists against the wooden door. "You can't just lock yourself in there!"

Dean groaned and pulled the blanket closer around him.

"I talked to Gabe today," Sam said loudly. "He's gonna talk to Cas, we're gonna get this straightened out—but you have to come out of there!"

Dean ignored his brother again, and after a few minutes he heard Sam's footsteps disappear down the hallway.

Across town, Castiel was in Gabriel's apartment, his eyes swollen from crying. He was sitting on the floor in front of the couch with his knees drawn up to his chest and Gabe was next to him. For a long time, they sat in silence.

"I talked to Sam today," Gabe offered, but Castiel didn't react. "He told me everything. The whole thing, from the beginning. Dean… he's been in love with you since he saw your face in the mirror."

Still nothing.

"If it's any consolation, Dean is… well, completely freaking out. Apparently, he was going to tell you today—he came to the firm at lunchtime, just after you left to go see him, and he wanted to take you to lunch and tell you everything."

Castiel groaned, resting his forehead on his knees. "How is that any consolation?" he asked, his voice wrecked from sobbing.

"Because he didn't want to keep lying to you? Because he cares about you enough that he wanted to tell you the truth? Hell, Cas, he could have just kept on pretending to be Benny forever. It's not like you were gonna marry the guy or anything. He wanted to tell you the truth, Cas, he just didn't know how. Can you blame him?"

Cas chuckled darkly. "Yes, Gabriel, I think I can blame him. He lied to me and led me on, despite the fact that I explicitly told him to stay away from me when I visited him. I wrote him a letter detailing the fact that we could never be together and he still did this to me. What kind of soulmate is that?"

Gabe sighed. "The kind who'd do anything to be near you, sounds like," he said. "You're lucky. Your soulmate wants you. I probably won't even want mine, not… not with knowing Sam. I can't imagine myself with anyone else, but once he meets his soulmate he'll probably be gone and I'll never see him again. I'll end up alone, Cas, but you? You don't have to."

Cas didn't answer him again, and Gabe set a pillow and blanket on the couch before going off to bed and leaving his brother alone with his thoughts.


	20. Chapter 20

Sam had never seen Dean like this before.

It had been _weeks_ since Castiel had found out who he really was, and it had been complete radio silence. Even Sam and Gabriel had stopped talking about their brothers, carefully selecting their topics of conversation (when their mouths weren't otherwise occupied) so not to make things even weirder than they already were.

Dean was an absolute wreck. He hardly ate, barely slept, and stayed locked up in his bedroom most of the time that he wasn't at work. He'd been picking up extra shifts at the garage, although he wasn't really speaking to any of his coworkers or even Bobby. He had dark circles under his eyes and he was losing weight and just _looking_ at him made Sam's throat tighten. It was awful, and Sam didn't know what to do about it.

Across town, Castiel was no better. He was throwing himself into his work, often staying overnight at the office and pulling all-nighters. He hardly ever went to his apartment anymore, only staying in his own place one or two nights a week. The others were spent at work or at Gabriel's apartment, when he didn't have Sam over. Castiel could hardly face Sam, even at work—he had to avoid anyone named Winchester at all costs.

The tension was palpable.

Sam broke the rule one night.

He was lying in Gabriel's bed, the smaller man curled up and lying on his bare chest, when he suddenly started speaking.

"We have to do something," he said softly, making Gabe visibly tense.

"What exactly do you suggest? I mean, Dean really screwed things up—not that Cas doesn't have his part in this, too—but they're both being idiots, now. I don't see how we can fix that."

Sam shrugged. "We could trick them, I guess, but I don't know if that would work. I can't even get Dean to leave his bedroom unless he's working, much less the house, and I'm guessing Cas is the same way." Gabriel nodded, and Sam sighed. "Let me guess—Cas won't talk about it?"

Gabe laughed bitterly. "Not a word, and if his lips are sealed I can only guess Dean-o's about ten times worse."

"He hardly talks to me at all anymore, much less about Cas. Mostly it's one word answers to questions I'm asking him. It's been _weeks,_ Gabe. They can't keep going like this, one of them is going to drop dead from the stress."

"I know," Gabe said, softer now. "Fuck, I know—I just don't know what to do."

"Imagine not being with your soulmate," Sam mused. "For reasons like that! I mean, it's not like either of them is dead or—you know, in love with someone else."

Gabe tensed again. "In love with someone else, huh?"

"Yeah." Sam swallowed hard, tightening his arm around Gabriel. "Can you imagine? You go on your visit or whatever and you find your soulmate and they're… they're already with someone. I mean, it doesn't happen often, but it _happens._ Or what if someone's dating a person and then they meet their soulmate and they just… leave?"

They were both quiet for a few minutes. Then, suddenly, Gabe sat up and looked Sam in the eyes.

"I don't care who my soulmate is, Samsquatch," he said, as sincerely as possible surrounding the nickname. "You mean everything to me. I can't… _fuck._ I shouldn't feel this way about you because you're an intern and I haven't met my soulmate and neither have you, but… I can't imagine being with anyone else."

Sam flushed. "Me, too, Gabe. But… you'll go on your visit in a few months and you have no idea who'll be on the other side. Besides, what about your family? I mean, Cas can't be with Dean because of them, right?"

Gabriel actually _snorted._ "I'm not Cas," he said. "I don't give a fuck what my family thinks—and I think that, once he sees that they're not going to put my head on a pike, he'll come around, too. I just don't know if we can fix this thing between him and Dean. There's already so much damage done."

Sam sighed. "You might be right. In fact, I'm afraid that you are."

Meanwhile, Castiel was at work on a Saturday, all but falling asleep at his desk. He really didn't even have any work to do, but sitting at his desk was highly preferable to sitting alone in his apartment, a space that he'd often shared with Benny—or Dean, as it were. It was still hard to think of the man using his given name, not to mention how painful it still was.

It scared Castiel how easily he'd fallen for the man who'd turned out to be his soulmate. Perhaps that was why things were so easy between them, why it had felt so natural to be with him. They _belonged_ together, and that was what broke Castiel's heart. Dean deserved someone so much better, someone who he didn't have to lie to just to be around. Sure, the lying had hurt, but he supposed now he understood why Dean had done it. He hadn't had a choice—that night when Castiel had mistakenly called him Benny for the first time, what would Castiel have done if Dean had corrected him? Probably fled the scene, if he was honest with himself.

Being around Dean was too risky. It was risky when he was Benny, the non-soulmate that he could walk away from at any time. To be with his soulmate, though? If his family ever found out, he'd be disowned before he could open his mouth to defend himself. Even now that he hadn't spoken to the other man in weeks, he was still constantly on edge, waiting for his father or one of his brothers to announce that they knew his secret. It had him anxious all the time, and that was no way to live.

No, he needed to leave Dean Winchester in his past.


	21. Chapter 21

**I am SO SORRY that this has taken so long to get back to! I've been extremely sick for over a month and writing has been on the back burner, unfortunately. FORTUNATELY, this story is almost over, and I'm hoping to get at least one more chapter up in the next few days. Thank you so much to those of you following this story, and I apologize for the delay!**

This was something that Dean always knew how to do, no matter how deep he was in the pits of despair. Even when it felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel, when it felt like he'd never come up for air, he knew how to take care of Sammy. It was ingrained in him, as natural as breathing, and for once, Sam Winchester was taking advantage of it.

Of course, it wasn't for selfish reasons—it was to help Dean, to distract him from his own soulmate issues. It just came with the added bonus of helping Sam, too.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Dean," he said miserably, although he was playing it up more than he normally would. "I mean… Gabe and I are both going to find out who our soulmates are this New Year's, and it's driving me crazy." Sam sighed, peeling at the corner of the label on his beer bottle. "I think I'm in love with him, De."

Dean knocked back the rest of his beer, grabbing another from the fridge and moving to sit next to his little brother. "I could sit here and say that I told you not to get attached, but I don't think it'd do much good," he said, twisting the cap off of the bottle and tossing it toward the middle of the table with the others. "But since you're already attached, like… _really_ attached, I guess all I can say is to enjoy each other while you can, you know? Just because you'll find out who your soulmates are in a few months doesn't mean that you can't enjoy this while it lasts. Just… I don't want to see you get your heart broken, Sammy. You gotta remember that your soulmate was chosen for you for a reason. I don't want you choosing Gabe over your soulmate and then have him turn around and choose his soulmate over you. I don't want to see that happen. Whoever your soulmate is, you have to give them a chance."

Sam sighed, taking a swig from his beer bottle. "I guess you're right, Dean. I don't know—what if I decide to give my soulmate a chance and Gabe picks me?"

Dean shook his head. "You both have to give your soulmates a chance first. You never know. But if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, at least you know you have someone else out there who loves you." His shoulders slumped a little at that—Castiel was the only person out there for Dean, and he'd gone and screwed that up. Now he'd probably be alone for the rest of his life, stuck with one-night stands with people whose soulmates had died or ended up with someone else. It wasn't fair.

Sam nudged his big brother's shoulder with his own. "You can always live with me and Gabe," he offered, trying to be lighthearted, and for the first time in a long time, he heard Dean laugh.

Across town, Castiel and Gabriel were sitting on Cas's couch, a movie that they'd long stopped paying attention to playing in the background.

"Cassie, were you afraid to visit your soulmate? I mean, apart from your particular set of issues, which I still think are a load of crap."

Cas scoffed and shrugged his shoulders. "They're not crap. If our father found out that I prefer men, he would disown me and I would lose everything. You know that. But apart from that, yes, I was afraid. I was afraid that I would fall in love with him."

"Then you know exactly how I'm feeling!" Gabe exclaimed, draping his forearm over his forehead dramatically. "I'm afraid that I'm going to fall in love, but I'm _already_ in love. It's not fair—not to me and not to Sam. We already found each other, and now we're going to go and visit our soulmates and… and what if I fall in love? Or _worse,_ what if I don't and he does and I never see him again?"

Cas sighed, looking over at his younger brother. "It's going to be okay, Gabe, I promise. I'll be there with you the whole time, and we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. There's no use in stressing out over it right now, especially when you could be enjoying your time with Sam while you have him."

"You mean like you were enjoying Dean?" Gabe asked, wiggling his eyebrows and hoping to get a chuckle out of his brother.

Castiel scowled and looked away. "No. Not like I was enjoying Dean. Not even like I thought I was enjoying Benny. That's… it's an entirely different situation. You don't seem to care about the fact that you could lose your job and your family if our father finds out about your preferences, but I do. I've worked too hard to just throw everything away for something as trivial as love. I have no other prospects, Gabriel. At least… I don't know, you're resourceful and smart enough that you could go anywhere and find a career. I don't have that. I have what I have, and I need to hold onto it."

Gabe rolled his eyes. "Always with the drama, Cassie," he scolded, shaking his head. "Even if dear old Dad disowned you, you'd do just fine. You never give yourself enough credit—and besides, don't you deserve happiness, too? Why isn't that just as important as keeping our father happy?"

Cas shrugged. "I've made my decision, Gabriel," he said softly, not looking at his brother. "This is the way it has to be. I'm just… different than you are, that's all. We have different priorities and different things that are important to us." _Besides,_ Castiel thought to himself. _If I lose my family, I lose Gabe, too._ "Besides," he said out loud. "What would I be doing it for? A man who lied to me, who pretended to be someone he wasn't to get close to me?" He shook his head. "No, Gabriel. I'm better off alone."


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey guys! I want to apologize (again) for taking SO LONG to update this story. I honestly have loved writing this story so much and all of the feedback from you guys has been AMAZING. I have two chapters for you tonight! I promise, even if takes me FOREVER, I will absolutely and definitely finish this story. We're coming close(ish) to the end, and I promise you that I will see this story through. Thank you so much for all of your continued support, it means the world to me!**

Castiel sat on the couch in his apartment, his brother sitting beside him nervously.

Tonight was the night.

No matter how hard he'd tried in the past months, Cas had been unable to shake thoughts of Dean Winchester from his mind. He'd thrown himself into his work, trying desperately to distract himself enough to forget, but he was unlucky, he guessed. There was no relief. He dreamed of Dean at night and thought about him all day.

Still, tonight was about Gabriel. It was almost midnight on New Year's Eve, and tonight Gabriel would find out who exactly his soulmate was. The chances that he'd be paired up with Sam were astronomical, but they weren't talking about that—not now. Not so close.

"You'll be here when I wake up, right Cassie?" Gabriel asked, and Castiel frowned. He wasn't used to his little brother being so timid and nervous. Gabe was always the loud, outgoing, confident one, and seeing him like this had Castiel's protective-big-brother-mode activated.

"Of course I will," he said, trying to be reassuring as he checked his watch. "And no matter what happens, we'll get through it together, okay? Just… remember to focus, get as much information as you can, and try to remember everything."

Three minutes to midnight.

Across town, Sam and Dean Winchester were seated in their living room just like they had been for Dean.

"You ready, Sammy?" Dean asked, taking a swig from his bottle of beer. If it was possible, he was even more nervous than he had been for his own visit. Sam himself looked terrified, taking a long drink of beer and wiping his palms on his pajama pants nervously.

"I guess so," Sam answered, his voice small. Dean furrowed his brow and laid a hand on his baby brother's shoulder, squeezing gently in an attempt to comfort him.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay," Dean said, trying to calm Sam down. Sure, Dean's own soulmate situation had been a complete and total disaster, but that didn't mean that Sam's was going to be. Still, there was more chance than not that Sam would wake up after his visit extremely disappointed. Maybe even devastated. Dean had to prepare himself for a very emotional baby brother.

Sam nodded grimly and Dean checked the time. "Two minutes, Sammy," he said. "Why don't you just lean your head back and close your eyes? Try to take some deep breaths."

He did as he was told, leaning his head back onto the couch and closing his eyes with a sigh. Dean took the beer from his brother's hands and set it on the table. "Listen, Sam, I know that you're scared. I was, too, if it helps. And I know my situation turned out to be really shitty, but I honestly think that you're going to be okay. It may not seem like it right now, and it may not seem like it after you wake up, but no matter what happens I'm gonna help you through it, okay? That's what I'm here for. No matter what, we'll figure things out." Dean looked away from his brother, peeling at the label on his beer bottle. "I don't want you to think that just because my life is fucked up that yours has to be, too. You're going to have a good life no matter how tonight goes. I'm going to make sure of it."

When Dean looked back at his brother, Sam's eyes were open wide and staring straight at him. "Holy fuckin' shit," his brother said with an inflection that hit Dean's ears as being familiar, but very distinctly not Sammy-like.

Dean blinked, confused, and a grin spread over his baby brother's face. "I can't fucking believe this," Sam's voice said, and he laughed strangely. "I can't _believe_ this! Do you know what this means?" Dean frowned and looked at the clock—it was after midnight.

"Holy shit," Dean breathed, plunking his half-empty beer bottle next to Sam's. "You don't mean… you're _not…"_

Sam grinned even wider. "It's good to see you, Dean-o."

Back across town, Gabriel's eyes opened and a serious, very non-Gabe look crossed over his features. Castiel smiled warmly, knowing that Gabe's soulmate was trying to figure out their surroundings. "Hello," Cas greeted as warmly as he could, trying to push away the memories of Dean. "I'm Castiel, and you're—"

"I'm Sam Winchester," Gabe's voice said, and Castiel's eyes went wide. "Oh my god, Cas, it's me! I mean, it's him! He's my… I mean, I'm his soulmate! And he's mine!" Suddenly Gabe's face was grinning ear to ear, and Castiel couldn't help but mirror the smile.

"Congratulations, Sam," Castiel said sincerely, although he was beginning to panic. The Winchesters would be a permanent fixture in his life, now—he'd surely see Dean at a wedding sometime in the future. He and Dean would both be uncles to the same children if Sam and Gabe decided to have any.

Sam could see Castiel's thoughts running away with him, and he cleared his throat. "Hey, Cas," he said, his voice Gabriel's but his inflection Sam's. "Now that I'm here and I don't exactly need to spend this hour looking for information… do you think we could talk?"

Castiel winced, his smile fading as he averted his eyes. He was stuck with Sam Winchester in a non-professional setting for an hour. There was no getting out of this except to leave, but that didn't seem like the best idea. "Sure, Sam," he sighed, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "Let's talk."


	23. Chapter 23

Castiel was seated next to his little brother on the couch in his apartment, but by some stroke of insane luck (either good or bad, he hadn't decided yet), his brother's body was currently being inhabited by none other than Sam Winchester.

"First off, I want to apologize." That actually shocked Castiel a little bit.

"Apologize?" he asked, and Sam nodded solemnly.

"I knew you were Dean's soulmate a few days after I started at the firm. It was kind of my idea for you two to meet for the first time—well, the first time after he fixed your car. I just thought that maybe if you two spent a little time together, you'd see that you were meant for each other. I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand with the Benny thing."

Castiel looked down at his hands—he still felt so incredibly stupid about that whole thing. "It's not your fault, Sam," he said softly. "Dean was the one who continued to lie to me."

Sam sighed. "I know, and he shouldn't have done that," he conceded. "But I'm telling you, that's not who he is as a person. I think he was just so damn happy being around you that he was willing to do whatever he had to do to keep you around. I do know that the guilt of lying to you was _killing_ him. He wanted to tell you who he was, but he was afraid that you wouldn't want to have anything to do with him. Can you imagine how hard that must have been?"

Actually, now that he thought about it, Castiel could imagine the conflict that Dean had probably been feeling. There was no denying their chemistry, and if Dean felt that he had to continue to lie to keep Castiel around… well, he couldn't pretend that he totally understood, but he couldn't pretend that he totally didn't, either. "That doesn't make it right," he protested weakly.

"I know," Sam said, shaking his head. "Trust me, I know. He knows that, too. That's why he wouldn't let things get too far—he didn't _want_ to be lying to you. I really think he felt like he didn't have a choice. And then… that day that you decided to surprise Benny at the garage? Dean was on his way to you to take you out to lunch and tell you the truth. It's just that you found out the hard way before he could tell you himself."

Castiel could still remember that day very clearly. When Benny Lafitte had walked up to him, he'd been so incredibly confused. Then, once he figured out what had been going on and that his soulmate had been tricking him, he'd been _heartbroken._ Sure, he'd rejected his soulmate, but the deception was an entirely different matter. "He…" Castiel trailed off, his voice quiet. "He broke my heart, Sam. I _cared_ about him, or at least I thought I did. Even if I could never really be with him, even if we had to keep things a secret, I really and truly cared about him. Now… now I don't even know if the feelings were real or not. I don't know if any of it was real."

Sam frowned. "The feelings were real," he said simply. "Almost all of it was real, Cas. It was _Dean._ Everything he did was him being himself except for lying about who he was. He gave you the real Dean. He wanted you to see how good it could be for you to be together so that when he told you who he was you already knew. All Dean has ever wanted since the night he came to visit you is to be with you, and he's been doing everything in his power to get to you ever since. He jumps over every hurdle you put in his way. He climbs every wall you build. At some point, Cas, you've gotta stop building walls because one day he's not going to climb them anymore. Is that what you want?"

"No," he replied before he even had a chance to think about it. Castiel swallowed hard and caught his little brother's eyes. "No, Sam, that's _not_ what I want."

"Well, then, what is it that you do want? I'm pretty sure we're all getting mixed signals here, Cas. You have to make a decision."

"What kind of decision is that to make?" Cas said suddenly. "Either I lose my soulmate or I lose literally everything else. I lose my job, my home, my car, my _family._ I lose my brother, Sam. Would you give up Dean if it meant you could be with Gabriel?"

That stopped Sam in his tracks, a look of horror crossing over Gabriel's face. "I…" he sputtered. "I never thought about it that way. Shit, Cas. I'm sorry."

"That's why I can never be with Dean," he said, his tone defeated. "To be with Dean I would have to give up _everything_ else, including Gabe."

Gabriel's eyebrows furrowed. "Gabe would never let that happen," Sam said. "Why would you even think that Gabe would let that happen?"

"Because Gabe needs his job, too. If we both get disowned, we're both out of work. We both become homeless. I can't do that—not to me and not to him."

Gabe's shoulders sagged. "There has to be something you can do," Sam said softly, looking up at Castiel.

"I wish there was, Sam," he replied, his voice thick with emotion. "I… I shouldn't be telling you all of this, but we're in so deep at this point that it likely doesn't matter. I _want_ Dean. I want to be with him. I care about him, I enjoy his company, I… he's my soulmate, Sam. Not a day goes by that I don't imagine what life would be like if I chose him. I just… I can't do it. I'm so, so sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," Sam said, squeezing Castiel's hand. He glanced over at the clock. "Gabe's coming back soon."

"Thank you for talking with me," Cas said, managing a small smile. "And really, Sam. Congratulations."

Sam grinned one last time. "Thanks, Cas." And with that, his head dropped and he was gone.


	24. Chapter 24

Seeing Gabriel's grin on his baby brother's face was nothing short of unsettling, but Dean couldn't help his own smile. Sam was going to be so _damn_ happy that he couldn't bring himself to be anything less than thrilled. He laughed happily and then reached out, crushing his brother's body against his in a tight hug. "I can't fucking believe this shit," Dean muttered, releasing a struggling Gabriel to sit beside him once more.

Gabe smirked with Sam's lips. "Yeah, I'm pretty happy about it myself," he said. "Didn't have to crush me, though. _Ouch."_

"Yeah, whatever, future bro," he teased, and that brought a frown to Sam's face.

"Don't _bro_ me," Sam's voice said, although it was strange to hear such a sharp tone coming from his brother's mouth. "We were supposed to be _bros_ anyway. You're supposed to be with my brother."

Dean's face fell and he looked away from Gabe, his heart sinking. "Don't you think that's what I want?" he said carefully, trying not to let the tightness in his throat affect his voice.

"All I know is that you lied to my brother and broke his heart," Gabe replied, crossing Sam's arms over his chest. Dean couldn't look—he couldn't stand to see his baby brother looking at him like that, even if it wasn't really Sam. That was an image he'd never be able to shake.

"I didn't lie to him on purpose!" Dean replied, to which Gabriel snorted. "Okay, okay. I didn't _start_ lying to him on purpose. Sam brought me to that bar and Castiel was the one who called me Benny—I must have been wearing his shirt by accident. What was I supposed to do? You and I both know that if I'd told him who I was, he would have bolted right then and there. I didn't think it would go as far as it did, I honestly didn't. I thought… I don't know, I guess I thought that since he couldn't be with Dean, he wouldn't stick around Benny for so long, but maybe it's a soulmate thing. I didn't mean for it to go on so long."

Gabriel rolled Sam's eyes. "That's no excuse. You still strung him along and lied to him for _weeks._ Sam lied to me, too, by the way. You two had to keep up appearances, and my brother and I were left in the dark. It's not right."

Dean buried his face in his hands. "I know," he said, his voice muffled. He pulled his hands away but kept his head low. "I know that. I know it was wrong, and I know I should have told him earlier, but… damn it, Gabe, I fucking _love_ him. The thought of losing him just… I couldn't make myself do it. I just couldn't. But then I changed my mind! You _know_ that. You know that I was going to make it right and it was just… it was bad timing. I waited too long and he found out on his own and now I've lost him forever so it doesn't make any damn difference anyway, does it? He'll go out and find some other Benny and I'll spend the rest of my life wishing for a man who I don't deserve. _That's_ my punishment. I don't need you to punish me, too."

"You're even dumber than I thought you were," Gabe said, but those words in Sam's voice stung particularly hard. "There _is_ no other Benny, moron. You're his soulmate. No one else will be able to have that kind of connection with him. You've ruined him for anyone else. And you're right, you _don't_ deserve him, but… I guess he doesn't really deserve you, either. He didn't even give you a chance and then he started dating what he thought was another guy, even though the fact that you're a guy is the reason he wouldn't give you a chance in the first place. He's terrified of pissing off our Dad because he thinks that he'll lose everything. I mean, he's not wrong—Dad would totally disown him, just like Dad is gonna totally disown me. The difference is that I don't give a rat's ass what that wrinkly old coot does."

Dean looked at Gabriel with wide eyes. "Wait, you're going to tell your father?" he asked, shocked. "You're going to just… you're going to choose Sam? Over everything else?"

"There is nothing else," Gabe said softly. "Sam is _everything._ He's my entire fucking world. Nothing else matters compared to him."

Never before in his life had Dean heard a sentence that so equally broke his heart and made it soar. On one hand, Sammy would be elated. He and his soulmate would live happily ever after. On the other… Dean didn't understand why Castiel couldn't feel the same way about him. It wasn't fair. Maybe it was true that he'd ruined Castiel for anyone else, but Castiel had ruined him, too. There was no one else.

"Sammy's lucky to have you," Dean murmured. "You're lucky to have him, too, don't get me wrong, but… he's lucky. Anyone who can find their soulmate and be with them is lucky."

Sam's face pulled into a sympathetic look. "I really hope that Cas pulls his head out of his ass," he said sincerely. "You two so clearly belong together. You're both too stupid to be with anyone else."

Dean laughed thickly, shoving Sammy's shoulder. "Thanks, Gabe," he said. Dean glanced at the clock and saw that the hour was almost up. "I guess I'll be seeing you around."

Gabe winked Sam's left eye and then promptly passed out.


	25. Chapter 25

**SURPRISE! Here's another chapter! I really appreciate all of the feedback from you guys about this story and I'm so glad you're enjoying it!**

Sam and Gabriel were having an _engagement_ party.

Mostly, Dean was absolutely ecstatic for his baby brother. Naturally, Sam had been practically screaming in excitement when he'd woken up to find that his soulmate was Gabriel, and how could Dean not be happy for him? He'd found his soulmate, they were in love, and now they were getting married.

Of course, there was still a small, bitter part of Dean who was jealous of what his brother had. Dean was older and he'd found his soulmate first, but Sam was the one getting married. Sam was the one with the happily-ever-after, and Dean was stuck in a situation that he'd brought on himself.

Still, he'd have to tap into that happy feeling for the party, _especially_ since Castiel would be there. Sam and Gabe had discussed having two separate parties for their own friends and brothers, but they'd decided that it would be best to just have one big party. They'd hoped that Dean and Castiel would simply avoid each other, and Dean was certainly planning for that. He didn't even want to see Cas—it would hurt too much.

The party was at Gabriel's apartment, which Sam had moved into a few days after the new year. The house felt empty now that his brother was gone, and Dean was glad that he'd get to spend the evening with Sam and his friends from the garage. There would be plenty of distractions—and alcohol—to soothe his nerves. He could _do_ this.

The fact that he spent an hour and a half getting ready had _nothing_ to do with Castiel.

Castiel himself was already at Gabriel's apartment, helping the two lovebirds set up for their party. Gabe had always been the messier of the two of them, and Castiel found himself puttering around the apartment, folding throw blankets and tucking books back onto shelves. He'd never understood how anyone could stand having things out of place, but it had never seemed to bother his brother.

Just as he'd finished picking up the living room, the newly engaged couple came chuckling out of the kitchen. "I'm really glad we had this catered," Gabe said, a grin on his face as he snaked his arm around his fiancé's hips. "I don't want you finding out how terrible I am at cooking just yet."

Sam laughed, too, and Castiel simply smirked and shook his head. "I tried to teach him," Cas said. "He's utterly hopeless. I hope that you're a good cook, Sam."

"Nowhere near as good as Dean," Sam answered easily, frowning when Castiel visibly winced. "Oh, uh. Sorry, Cas."

"No, it's okay," Castiel responded, waving his hand dismissively. "You're engaged to my brother, and I can't expect you not to talk about _your_ brother, especially given how close the two of you are."

A slightly awkward pause fell over the three of them, and Castiel bit his lip. "I'm going to go start putting the food out," he said suddenly, heading for the kitchen. "Guests should be arriving fairly soon."

Castiel swore under his breath as he set out chafing dishes full of various kinds of foods on the kitchen counters. He stacked plates and napkins on the island and set out flatware. Maybe he could spend the whole night hiding in the kitchen and he wouldn't even have to _see_ Dean.

An hour later, the party was in full swing. Gabriel's college friends were there, as well as the other interns and some of the lawyers from the firm. Sam's college friends had come as well, and so had Dean's friends from the garage—most of them were people that the Winchesters had known for years, and they were like a family to Sam. The only person who was still missing was Dean.

Sam watched the door like a hawk, constantly looking over shoulders to see whether his brother had walked in. Castiel, on the other hand, was skulking in the corner of the living room nursing a vodka soda and trying very hard _not_ to look at the door at all. He'd found that the kitchen was the most popular place to be, and so he'd decided that this corner of the living room was his best bet to stay out of sight.

When Dean finally arrived, Sam shouted a greeting to him and immediately made his way through the small crowd of people in the apartment. "I was starting to think you weren't coming," Sam said, grinning, as he held out a cold beer to his older brother. Dean took it and immediately drained half of it, eyes automatically scanning the room. "He's in the corner," Sam said, gesturing over his shoulder. "There's food in the kitchen."

Dean nodded, ruffled Sam's hair (much to his annoyance), and made his way over to Bobby and Benny. That was his safe place—if he talked to his friends all night, he probably wouldn't even see Castiel.

Castiel could see Dean from where he stood in the corner. He was envious of how unaffected the other man looked—maybe he'd moved on and found some other man whose soulmate rejected him. Just looking at Dean made Cas's stomach hurt, and he turned back to staring into his drink.

Just then, the door to the apartment opened and everyone fell silent. Castiel looked up from the melting ice in his glass and nearly dropped his drink on the floor.

Charles Novak was standing in the doorway.


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey guys! Thank you so, so much for all of your continued support! I'm really glad that you guys are enjoying this fic. Like I said before, we're pretty close to this fic being finished, so if you have any requests for future writing you'd like to see, feel free to send me a message! I'm always looking for ideas for my writing and I'd be glad to take a shot at some of the things you'd like to read!**

If Dean hadn't known that Castiel and Gabriel had a strained relationship with their father, Gabriel certainly wouldn't have given it away with his behavior. As soon as the man entered, a huge grin broke over his face and he lifted a hand above the crowd to wave. "Dad!" Gabe shouted, making his way toward the frowning broad-shouldered man. Once Gabe was standing in front of his father, Dean found himself scanning the room for Castiel, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"What is the meaning of this?" Charles Novak asked, his voice quieter and colder than Dean had expected. Gabe's grin never faltered as he sipped his drink and gestured for Sam to come over to him. Nobody was really watching things transpire—Dean was only enraptured because he _knew_ what Charles Novak was like. He knew that his sons were terrified of him and he needed to see what was going to happen. He needed to be able to protect Castiel from this.

Once Sam had come close enough, Gabe slung one arm around his hips and pulled him in close so that their sides were pressed together. "Sammy," Gabriel said softly, still smiling. Dean frowned as Sam's brow furrowed just slightly—he could tell that something was wrong. "This is my father. Dad, this is my fiancé, Sam."

Charles Novak clenched his jaw, his voice dropping quieter. "When you informed me that you were engaged to a Sam, I was under the impression that Sam was…"

"A woman?" Gabe supplied easily, still smiling. "No such luck, Dad. Samuel here happens to be my soulmate and we're getting married. I just thought that you might like to meet him."

Charles's nostrils flared angrily. "You know very well that I do not condone this type of behavior," he said, his voice sounding dangerous. The hairs were beginning to stand up on the back of Dean's neck, and he was torn between searching for Castiel and watching the scene before him unfold. He'd slightly separated himself from Bobby and Benny, inching closer to the conversation he was listening to.

"Well, luckily for me, I'm an adult who can make my own decisions." There was absolutely no fear or anger evident in Gabe's voice. It was like he was talking about the weather outside. Charles, on the other hand, was clearly fuming.

"You know what the consequences of this decision are," Charles replied, sneering. "You are no longer welcome to practice law at my firm. You are cut off financially and you, Gabriel, are dead to me." With that, he turned on his heel and made his way swiftly out the door.

Dean was more grateful than ever in this moment that Sam had Gabe, because he didn't have time to comfort his baby brother. He needed to find Castiel, to make sure that he was okay, to _tell him what had happened._ If Gabe had been disowned, well… maybe there wouldn't be anything standing in their way. He turned away from his friends and started looking around the apartment.

Then again, maybe Castiel didn't even _want_ to be with him anymore. That thought had Dean stopping in his tracks, reconsidering. Maybe he'd really destroyed this beyond repair. Maybe it wouldn't matter about Gabe—he'd hurt Cas and lied to him.

On the other hand, Gabe had made it sound very much like Cas _did_ want him. He'd even said that he thought the two of them belonged together.

Dean started moving again—none of this mattered, not right now. The only thing that mattered now was finding Castiel and making sure that he was okay. The need to protect the people he loved was too strong to ignore after so much tension.

Dean made his way down the hall of the apartment, finding that all of the doors were closed. He didn't know where Cas would be, so he just started opening doors. The first door was a coat closet, the second a bathroom. He hoped that he wouldn't stumble upon Gabe and Sam's bedroom—seeing the space where his brother was… being intimate was too much for him.

He took a deep breath and opened another door.

It looked like a guest bedroom, but it also looked like it had been decorated by Castiel. It was very similar to the simple style of the other man's apartment. Dean entered the room and closed the door softly behind him, walking slowly to the bed that Castiel was sitting on. The other man was leaning over, his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

Dean sat down next to Cas on the bed, staying quiet. He needed Castiel to talk first, to tell him that it was okay for him to be here.

It felt like they sat there for _hours,_ the only sounds in the room the muffled conversation and music from down the hall. Castiel breathed slow, shaky breaths that made Dean want to gather him up in his arms and just… protect him from all of this. Still, he sat patiently, just waiting for the other man to make the first move. It was encouraging, at least, that Cas hadn't made him leave.

Just when Dean was about to break, just as he was about to let all the words he had pent up inside come gushing out of him like a dam bursting, Castiel looked up from his hands. Dean was startled by the movement but, like a person observing a wild animal, he stayed completely still so not to snap Cas out of letting him sit here.

After a moment of tension, Cas let out a long breath and fell sideways onto Dean, tucking his head onto the other man's shoulder. Dean let out the breath that he was holding, too, and wrapped his arms around Castiel, who promptly burst into tears.


	27. Chapter 27

**Hey everyone! You're getting two chapters tonight, so stay tuned for the next one. There will not be more than 30 chapters in this story, so we're coming to a close pretty soon. Thank you all so much for all of your support!**

"Are you okay?"

Sam and Gabriel had gone into their bedroom after quietly excusing themselves, grateful that their apartment was crowded enough that they could get away for a little bit. The two of them stood at the foot of their bed, and Sam was holding Gabe's face in his hands. "I know you said that he'd disown you, but I didn't think… I didn't think he really would. I don't know. I'm so sorry, Gabe. Talk to me, are you okay?"

Gabe smiled sadly at his fiancé. "I knew that he would," he replied easily, covering one of Sam's large hands with one of his own. "It doesn't matter. _You're_ what matters, Sam. I don't need any of it—the job, the apartment, even the family. None of it matters if I don't have you."

The pair embraced, holding each other tightly in the dimly-lit bedroom, before making their way back to their party hand-in-hand.

Down the hall, Castiel was still sobbing into Dean's chest. Dean had reclined the pair of them so that they were lying on the bed facing one another, Castiel curled into Dean. Sobs were still shaking his body, and Dean simply held him tighter, rubbing his back in a way that he hoped was soothing. He had his nose buried in the other man's hair, his heart half elated and half broken by the closeness of the man he loved. "Cas, it's okay," Dean murmured, pressing his lips to the other man's hair. "Shh, come on, don't cry. It's gonna be okay."

"He disowned Gabriel," Castiel's small, roughened voice murmured. "Just like I knew he would. Just like he'll do to me when he finds out. I… I can't do it, Dean. Gabe's stronger than I am, but now he'll be gone and I'll never see him again. Now I've lost you _and_ him and Sam, too, and I'm not going to have anyone left, and—"

"Shh," Dean shushed softly, threading his fingers into Castiel's hair. "You're not losing anyone, Cas. Not Sam, not Gabe, and definitely not me—I don't think I could leave you if I wanted to." He chuckled thickly, squeezing his eyes closed. "Gabe won't leave you, either, and neither will Sam. It's okay, Cas."

Castiel shook his head. "I don't know what to do, Dean," he said, his voice shaking. "I'm so unhappy, but I'm so afraid. Why are you even still here? I've done nothing but avoid you and push you away. What are you doing in here with me?" He raised his head a little and Dean looked into his big, blue, tear-filled eyes. He could _feel_ his heart breaking, but he guessed that maybe he was some kind of masochist because he wasn't even thinking about leaving.

"And I've done nothing but lie to you and trick you," Dean said, his voice tight. "I was horrible to you, Cas, and I'm _so_ sorry. I just… I was so happy just to get to be around you, and I knew that if I was myself you wouldn't let me be around you. When you didn't know who I was, I just couldn't tell you. It was wrong and it was shitty and I'm sorry."

Cas curled his fingers into the front of Dean's t-shirt, looking up at him. "I guess we've both done things we're not happy with," he murmured softly, his voice rougher than usual because of the crying. "But that doesn't change the fact that I'm stuck. If I choose you and Gabe, I lose everything—my job, my home, my family. But if I choose all of that… I lose you and Gabe. I just wish someone could tell me what to do so I didn't have to deal with this."

"Nobody can tell you what's best for you, Cas," Dean said softly, running his fingers through the other man's hair. He was relishing this closeness, desperate to hang on to this moment so that he could keep it forever. There was a very real chance that he would never see Castiel again—if Cas chose his family, he'd lose Gabe. Sam and Gabe were Dean's only connection to Castiel. "You have to figure it out for yourself. I have to say, though… I think you already know. Don't be afraid to go after what you want, even if you don't know where the path is going to lead. Do what makes you _happy."_

Castiel averted his eyes, breaking the eye contact between them. Dean's heart rate increased just slightly. His nerves were going crazy. The two of them were on the edge of something, and he couldn't take the suspense. Either Castiel was going to choose him or choose to never see him again, and Dean focused on trying to memorize every little detail of the man in his arms, from the way his hair tousled naturally to the stubble on his chin to the way his nimble fingers were still tangled in Dean's tee shirt. His heart felt so full that it was going to burst, and the tension in the room was palpable.

"Cas," Dean breathed, desperate for some kind of answer. "I—"

He was cut off by the forceful crash of Castiel's lips against his own. Dean exclaimed in surprise, swallowing down his shock before tightening his arms around the other man again, returning the kiss with matched enthusiasm. After a few moments, they broke apart, panting and meeting each other's eyes.

"I think I made my decision."


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey guys! This chapter is a lot longer than all of the others, mostly because I couldn't find a great place to cut it into two. This chapter does include smut, so if that's not your cup of tea feel free to skip this one. Smut isn't necessarily my biggest strength, so please be kind! Thank you all so much for your support!**

At Castiel's words, Dean let out a triumphant laugh and crushed the other man to his chest, desperate for as much contact as he could get. His soulmate _wanted_ him, and it was the best thing he'd ever felt. Castiel wanted to be with him— _him,_ not Benny. He was so grateful, especially to Gabe who had taken the fall first. None of that mattered now, though—not with Castiel pressed tight against him, not with the euphoria coursing through him, not when he literally wanted to cry with happiness.

The two of them lay there silently for what felt like an eternity, just enjoying being close to one another. There was nothing keeping them apart now, no lies or tricks or fears, and Dean couldn't wipe the smile from his face. "Thank you," he breathed, his voice shaking. "Cas, _thank you._ I can't…"

Now it was Castiel's turn to shush Dean. He pressed the fingers that weren't curled into the man's shirt to Dean's lips, effectively silencing him. Finally, a small smile broke onto Castiel's face, and he chuckled softly. "I didn't know," he said, shaking his head. "I didn't know how good this would feel. I should have done this in the beginning. I should have just… I don't know, trusted you? Given you a chance? I'm so, _so_ sorry, Dean."

Dean chuckled. "Shut up, Cas," he said before pressing their lips together tightly. At first, his intention was to keep things chaste—after all, it had been so long since they'd even spoken to each other that he was totally overwhelmed with emotion. All thoughts of keeping things chaste flew out of his head, however, when he felt Castiel's tongue lapping at the seam of his lips. Dean's mouth opened with a soft groan as Castiel's tongue dipped inside, running along the roof of his mouth. Dean threaded a hand into the hair at the back of the other man's head, wrapping the other arm around his waist and pulling him close so that they were pressed flush against each other. Castiel gasped into Dean's mouth at the sudden contact and he arched into Dean, making the older man's head spin.

This was infinitely better than when Castiel had thought that he was Benny, Dean thought. Now he could be himself. He could be confident that Cas wanted _him._ A surge of emotion overcame him and he caught Castiel's bottom lip between his teeth, nipping it softly and drinking down the whimpers that were spilling out of his soulmate's mouth. He was reeling, his thoughts racing and his heart fluttering.

Suddenly, Castiel's mouth had detached from his and Dean was panting, trying to catch his breath as Castiel trailed open-mouthed kisses along the older man's jaw. He tugged on Cas's hair, causing him to grind his hips into Dean's. The little bit of friction that he got was electrifying, and Dean groaned before locking his arm tight around Cas's hips and flipping them so that he was on his back, Castiel perched on top of him, straddling his hips.

Castiel wasted no time pulling his tee shirt over his head, then leaning down and pulling Dean's off, too. Dean had to sit up so that Cas could take off the shirt, and while he was up he pulled Castiel's mouth down to his in a searing kiss before falling back on the pillows. He looked up at his soulmate, Castiel's blue eyes dark with desire as he smiled down softly at Dean. For a second, he thought that Cas was going to say something, but instead he leaned down and attached his mouth to Dean's collarbone.

" _Fuck,_ Cas," he breathed, his body searing hot anywhere Castiel was touching him. Cas himself was panting softly as he sank his teeth into the skin on Dean's shoulder, his hips making little grinding motions down onto Dean's. It was all too much and not enough at the same time, and Dean was afraid that he was going to spontaneously combust.

Castiel's mouth began a descent down Dean's chest, and the older man arched his back, desperate for more contact. "Cas, _please,"_ he begged, not even caring how wrecked his voice sounded. He'd wanted this for so long that it didn't even matter that he was begging, that he was emotional—this was his soulmate.

Cas chuckled softly, graveled voice rumbling against Dean's skin in a way that made him shiver. He dipped his tongue into Dean's belly button, making him squirm, before nosing down the older man's treasure trail, stopping at the waistband of his jeans. Cas made quick work of Dean's pants and then his own, tossing the clothes in the same direction that he'd thrown the shirts. Both of them nearly bare, Cas straddled Dean's hips again. Dean sat up swiftly, crashing his lips into the other man's and running his large, warm hands over as much exposed skin as he could reach. Cas shivered, pressing his chest against Dean's, and they both smiled into the kiss. Dean growled playfully and bit Castiel's lip before flipping the other man beneath him, hovering over him in a predatory way. "No more teasing," he snarled, appreciating the shiver that ran through the man below him.

Castiel was restless, shifting and pressing up against Dean as best he could. Dean chuckled, pressing his hips down directly onto Castiel's, their erections slotting together in a way that had them both moaning and crashing their lips together. "Please, Dean," Castiel panted, and hearing the other man say his name like that almost had him coming in his boxer briefs.

"Say it again," he growled, burying his face in Castiel's neck as he moved his hips slowly against the man below him. " _Please._ My name, Cas, _say it again."_

 _"Dean,"_ Castiel sighed directly into Dean's ear, and the older man dug his teeth into Cas's shoulder. "Dean. I need you."

Dean sat up suddenly, winking at Castiel before taking off the other man's boxers. He stripped off his own underwear and then climbed on top of Cas again, the feeling of so much bare skin pressing together making him feel like he was on fire. He reached between them, curling his large fingers around Castiel's erection, making the other man gasp and arch his back upward in search of more contact. Dean chuckled, leaning his forehead against Castiel's. "Patience," he purred, stealing a quick kiss. Castiel chuckled, too, though his was more strained.

Dean began to move his hand, relishing in the whimpering sounds that Cas seemed to be unaware that he was making. Seeing the other man like this, his bottom lip between his teeth and his head thrown back and a pink flush tinting his skin, had Dean worrying that neither of them would make it to the main event.

"As much as I want to explore every single inch of you," Dean murmured, moving his mouth next to Castiel's ear. "I really, _really_ want to make love to you. Is that okay?"

Cas shivered, his hands moving to Dean's shoulders. " _Please,"_ he murmured. "We have all the time in the world for… exploration. I need you _now._ "

Dean didn't have to be told twice. He reached out and opened the drawer to the bedside table, delighted (and a little unsettled) to find that there were both condoms and lube in the drawer. He paused for a second and Castiel looked over before laughing breathlessly. "That'd be Gabe," he said, shaking his head. "I stay here on occasion and I suppose he wanted me to be prepared."

Dean laughed, too, grabbing a condom and a bottle of lube and placing them on the bed. "Maybe let's not talk about Gabe right now," he said, kissing Cas sweetly. "Not while I have you naked underneath me."

Cas smiled. "Deal," he said, the smile falling from his face as he gasped when Dean was suddenly grabbing his erection and sucking the tip into his mouth. "Fuck, fuck, _Dean,_ " he groaned, throwing his head back on the pillows as more and more of Dean's mouth engulfed him. Castiel twisted his fingers into the sheets, needing something to ground him.

He caught himself whimpering as he suddenly felt something cold and wet stroking teasingly at his entrance. Cas whined, high-pitched and needy, as Dean continued to work him over. If this kept up, he was never going to last. He reached for the older man, nails scratching at his scalp as his fingers scrabbled for purchase in Dean's short hair. Dean groaned softly around Castiel's erection, the vibrations going straight to his cock and making him arch his back. "Dean," he moaned, his voice low and needy. "Dean, please, I can't—"

Instead of answering, Dean inserted one lubed finger into Castiel's entrance. He was grinding his hips into the bed with tiny desperate motions, focusing his energy on opening Cas up for him. Castiel was whimpering and squirming beneath him, panting out Dean's name every few breaths and fueling him on. After a few moments, Dean added a second finger, stretching the other man gently and whining low in his throat at the way Castiel's body was reacting to him.

Cas was moaning and squirming and gripping the sheets between his fingers, desperately trying to hold off his climax until Dean was inside him. It had been so long since he'd been with anyone and he was so overcome with emotion that he could feel himself rocketing toward his release. He opened his mouth to beg Dean to hurry up, but no words came out. All he could manage were breathy moans and Dean's name.

Dean added a third finger slowly, spreading his fingers a little at a time to prepare Castiel for him. He didn't want to rush, but he wanted to be inside of Cas _yesterday_ and his erection was getting painful. Dean pulled his mouth off of Castiel, focusing all of his attention on preparing the other man.

"Dean, please, I need you," Cas panted, his voice breathy. "I'm ready."

Dean looked up and locked eyes with his soulmate. He tore open the condom with his teeth and quickly rolled it on before dropping back down to hover over Castiel. Dean moved up the man's body and kissed him deeply, curling his tongue around Castiel's as his erection nudged his entrance. Cas caught Dean's bottom lip between his teeth, making Dean hiss and snap his hips forward as he pushed inside of his soulmate.

Cas threw his head back with a low whine, and Dean buried his face in the other man's neck. He pushed in steadily until he was buried to the hilt and then he stilled, letting Castiel's body adjust to him. Cas wrapped his hands around Dean's biceps, his chin still tilted back and his eyes scrunched shut. Dean kissed the other man's neck gently, reaching one hand up to stroke Castiel's hair. "You okay?" he breathed, concerned that he'd moved too quickly, but Castiel nodded.

"Move," he demanded, his voice a little strained. Dean obliged, drawing his hips back and then snapping them forward again. Castiel gasped, gripping Dean's arms more tightly as the older man got into as much of a rhythm as he could muster. They were both so far gone that they knew this wouldn't last long, but Dean still wanted to make it as good as possible for Cas.

Chills were running up and down Dean's spine, Castiel was writhing beneath him and making the most delicious sounds he'd ever heard, and he was so overwhelmed with emotion that Dean felt like he was losing his mind. He was so wrapped up in Castiel, all five of his senses swimming with the other man, and he'd literally never been happier in his life. He closed his eyes, losing himself in the man he loved.

It didn't take long for Castiel's whimpering to become higher pitched, for his breaths to come more quickly and for his fingertips to dig into Dean's flesh even harder. "Dean, _please,"_ he whined, making Dean growl softly. He ran a hand down Castiel's chest and stomach, curling his fingers around the other man's erection and stroking him in time with the thrusting of his hips. He himself was holding off his climax as best he could, desperate for Castiel to come first.

Suddenly, Castiel's spine bowed off of the bed and he hit his peak with a shout, nails digging into Dean's bicep as his muscles all clenched desperately around Dean's erection. After a few more shallow thrusts Dean was coming too, sinking his teeth into Castiel's shoulder in an effort to keep himself quiet. There was still a party going on outside the door, after all.

Dean collapsed next to Castiel on the bed, reaching for something to clean them up with. He found Cas's shirt and quickly wiped the two of them down before pulling his soulmate into his arms and pressing his lips to the back of the man's neck. "I love you, Cas," he murmured, and the other man hummed contentedly.

"I love you, too, Dean."


End file.
